We Do This. We Need This. We Are This.

Can a simple question like 'Are you okay?' transform men's mental health and relationships?" This episode challenges societal norms and addresses the often-overlooked need for men to be open and supportive, highlighting how breaking the taboo around vulnerability can lead to a more understanding and connected community.

What drives a man's purpose, and how can he embrace his true identity without the fear of appearing weak? Drawing from the wisdom of John Eldridge's works, "Wild at Heart" and "Fathered by God," we explore the core desires that shape a man's life. Whether it's the battle to fight, the adventure to live, or the beauty to rescue, every man harbors these innate aspirations. Through personal growth and healing, we encourage men to embark on a journey to uncover their true strength and purpose, empowering them to overcome societal expectations and personal insecurities. Please keep an open mind but enjoy this very pointed conversation.

Thank you for listening to the All Purpose Pod for an All Purpose Life and your Weekly Mirror Check before you go change the world! You can find and subscribe to our show on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Theycallmemistayu

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Chapters

• 0:56 Men's Mental Health and Responsibility
• 9:11 Embracing Masculinity and Purpose
• 25:09 Men's Connection Group
• 30:48 Unleashing Inner Greatness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:56

Thank you, welcome back to the All Purpose Pod for an all-purpose life. Wherever you are and however you're listening today, call me Mr you, the podcast. Thanks again for making us a part of your morning, your day and your week with your weekly mirror check before you change the world. Thank you, guys, for all the support. Man, we are overwhelmed with all the love and the appreciation and the support for all that we're doing across all of our platforms and our brand of podcasts, product and content. Man, we're so excited. Man, we definitely appreciate all that's going on and all that you guys are chiming in and sharing with us about how the episodes are impacting. You Can't thank you enough for that.

Speaker 1: 1:40

I know a lot of people who are in my position, maybe perhaps in my community of podcasters and content creators. All they're trying to do is get those numbers. They're chasing that gold ring. Some may even say I should be with them doing it. I should be doing what the masters are doing. But yeah, I ain't going to do none of that. I'm going to do this the right way. I'm trying to build the best foundation I can build and whatever it is, it's whatever it's going to be, it's all good.

Speaker 1: 2:10

But I just want to say thank you to all you who are listening audio only. Thank you for subscribing to they Call Me Mr you the podcast on Apple Podcasts. It's the only place you can do it besides the Stitcher app. You can subscribe there. If you're listening audio only, of course Amazon Music, spotify, pandora, iheartradio are options for you. Please, by all means, please, continue to keep listening. If you want to subscribe to the audio only podcast, you got to do it on Apple Podcasts, okay, and we have the link to Apple Podcasts on all of our social media platforms. It's everywhere and, of course, you can find it also even on our YouTube channel. You can find a link there as well. And, speaking of YouTube, if you are a listener and a viewer, you're watching all of our full length episodes. By all means, please like some videos to subscribe to the YouTube channel, youtube dot com at. They call me Mr you. It'd be a great help to what we're trying to accomplish out here. Again, it's about numbers and algorithms and analytics and all that good stuff. I get it, I'm saying, but I want people who are loving the product, they're loving what we're putting out and they're appreciating what's being put out there before everybody. So the thoughts and ideas and comments coming from you guys, even the questions you guys are asking everybody. So the thoughts and ideas and comments coming from you guys, even the questions you guys are asking, keep it coming. We definitely appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 3:29

I want to share something. I think this might be one of the most pointed episodes that I do, or I have done so far this year. I want to try to phrase this right. I don't want to step out of turn and say something for incendiary purposes or anything like that, but I really want to make sure that you guys get my heart on this. This is really important to me that that happens. If you've been following the show, september will be four years of doing this, which I'm so appreciative of. I've never thought it would get this far. So I'm very excited about what's been going on and how I've grown and how you guys seem to be growing through this process. So definitely appreciate that.

Speaker 1: 4:14

But just to be clear, I think that there's two things going on here. One I think that we as men and I'm not excluding the women from listening to this I think if you have a man in your life, I don't care if it's a son, a brother, a nephew or a husband. Excuse me, you need to hear what I'm going to talk about today on this episode. I try to be as brief as I can. I don't plan to be on here long. I just want to kind of share this and hopefully it makes an impact wherever it lands. But if you're listening and you are of the male species, you are a man. This applies to you. I think that we got a couple of things going on. One, I think we have a problem and I think also, on this other hand, I think that we are the solution to a problem. I'll say that again for those in the back order to get where we're trying to go with this whole episode I think that we have a problem and that we are the solution to a problem.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Many may say out here, especially in the world of media, a lot of critics on social media. They may say that the male species is the problem. I don't agree with that. I think that's short-sighted, I think it's petty. I think it's, say, people who have a limited imagination or who are so focused on their own selves that they can't even see what anybody else is dealing with, or just a straight up lack of understanding could be a lot of different reasons for that, but I don't think that the man himself is the problem for everything, or the reason or the cause for all the bad that's happening in the world. We're not doing that today, here. You can do that on your platform. Wherever you want to be at, you can do that, but that's not what we're doing here today. But but I do want to speak because I am a man, so it's time to be transparent about some stuff. That's what I'm going to attempt to do today.

Speaker 1: 6:15

This is a question that I feel as though man it should be simple, but in two areas men are not asked this question. But in two areas, men are not asked this question. And then, on the other hand, men don't ask other men this question. It's taboo, it seems, to do either one of those. But the question is are you okay? Three simple words that don't require a lot of you, doesn't require you to give a blood sample or to give up your firstborn or to give out your social security number. It's just three words you can say out of your mouth that could potentially open the door for somebody's healing and restoration, namely a man.

Speaker 1: 7:07

Why is it so hard for us to ask one another that question, and why is it so hard for other people who are not men, namely women, to ask the man are they okay? I know there's exceptions to every rule. I know a lot of my sisters who talk to their significant other. They talk to their husbands, they talk to their sons and they talk to their brothers and they ask them are they okay? I know a lot of people don't do that and usually by the time it's time to do that and it's gotten to dire straits, it's already too late by then and we definitely want to be preemptive about making sure that men as a whole are okay.

Speaker 1: 7:47

I'm going to be honest here. There's a lot of bad stuff in the world and a lot of it are decisions being made by man. I fully own that. I understand that there's a bigger picture. It's not just about a man making a decision. There's a lot of things spiritually, emotionally, that play into those decisions and we don't have time to get into that. I definitely will not have time to get into that today, but I want to try to help everybody understand that as a man and I'll just speak for myself I won't be naming any other men on this episode but me.

Speaker 1: 8:21

But if it applies to a son, a brother, a nephew, a husband, a boyfriend, I hope that it makes sense for you to at least consider what we're talking about today. For men, it's tough sledding out here. Just to be honest, it's tough sledding out here. In today's world, there's a lot of confusion about being a man. There is a lot of attacks and assaults in regards to being a man and the things that are expectations that people put on men that perhaps they don't deserve or perhaps, in some cases, they do deserve but they don't want to take up that responsibility. Lots of different scenarios, there's not just one here. I'll do my best to try to cover all of them, but it's not going to be easy, but I'll try.

Speaker 1: 9:11

There's expectations on us as men to do certain things, to be, a certain way, one of the things that I want to leave as bullet points for you for this episode. If you are taking notes, a lot of our listeners do take notes for our, for our teachings, and I I highly recommend that. I think it's smart. But just three areas One we do this. One we do this. Two we do this. Two we need this. Two is, we need this. And lastly, three we are this. Three we are this, we do this, we need this and we are this.

Speaker 1: 9:58

What do we do as men? What do we do as men? There are a lot of men out here that are absolute, stellar in the realm of being a father. They are incredible fathers to their kids. They're incredible, faithful husbands to their wives. They're outstanding sons to their mothers and they're definitely great brothers to their siblings and nephews to their aunts and uncles. The list goes on. Grandsons, they take care of business and they do the best they can and they're faithful. They're not perfect, but they're faithful and they do all they can to be the best they can be.

Speaker 1: 10:39

We're not really talking about you guys. So if you fall in that category and you feel as though there's nothing you can learn from this, sorry to hear that, but we're not really talking about you. But I hope you're still listening to us as we move through, because we all have a challenge here and we're going to find a challenge in this episode somewhere that we can potentially address for ourselves. I hope you're still listening, even though you might got it going on. I Hope you're still listening, but one of the things that we do under number one. We do this is that we internalize our feelings out of fear of a perceived weakness. We internalize our feeling out of a perceived weakness. We do that One of the things that I've always tried to do.

Speaker 1: 11:19

Whenever I'm in the company of other men or in some kind of mentorship, coaching capacity, I always try to share materials, resources, books that have strengthened me, encouraged me, helped me move through some rough challenges in my life and helped me get to the place where I'm able to be not only functional but productive and effective and to be healed. There's two books that come to mind. I may share a few of the quotes from those books during the episode. Hopefully you'll appreciate those, but if you are a man and you haven't read these, there's an author by the name of John Eldridge. He does some incredible work with audio and e-books, and there's two books that are in my, or one book's in my, top five. The other one's in my top 10.

Speaker 1: 12:04

But it's a part one and a part two. It doesn't say that, but it's a continuation of the same thought. The first book, the first part in the installment, is a book called Wild at Heart, so orange, a bright orange cover. You can't miss it. It's called Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. The second book, which is the second installment of the same thought series, if you will, is Fathered by God. It's a bright, green, sea, green book, fathered by God. These books have been instrumental in my growth and development as a man and sadly, I had to read these really late in life to understand the areas I needed to be healed and to understand myself better, outside of the expectations of people who put those on me, telling me who I needed to be and how I needed to function as a man. So I wish I had those two books early in life. It may have changed a lot, but it is what it is. But I highly recommend Wild at Heart and Father by God.

Speaker 1: 13:02

I'm going to try to share some of those uh, some of those bits of uh knowledge with you guys as we move along through the episode. But one of the things that we do, we internalize out of fear or of a perceived weakness, uh, it's really sad, but one of the things that I learned in Wilder's Heart discovering the secret of a man's soul. One of the quotes in there, very, very impactful. It says deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. I think that's so beautiful man.

Speaker 1: 13:37

What that tells me is that, and what, hopefully, it tells you, is that there's so much more to a man than just the things that he does. There's a need that he has inside of himself that only God can explain. You can't fix it, you can't solve it, you can't make it better, as hard as you may try. This is only something that only God can. This is like this is like the man and the. This is the creator and his creation type of thing. Well, you can't get in the middle of this. I don't want you to feel helpless as someone who's a part of this man's life, but you can't fix this one. This is something that he has to deal with and I know pride plays a part in internalizing that the feelings and the emotions, and not sharing and not being open.

Speaker 1: 14:24

But sometimes men are not okay and they don't always say so. A lot of men abdicate their authority in their homes, in their communities, in their neighborhoods, and they conduct themselves as someone who doesn't have authority or understand the power that they have as a man, as a created being. They don't understand the power that they have as a man, as a created being. They don't understand the power that they have. A lot of times they are so broken they're waiting for somebody else to do it, whatever it is, they won't do it themselves. They have no idea why they're here.

Speaker 1: 14:53

We do this. We walk around without purpose. We walk around not understanding who we are. We do this. That's what we do, to be honest. I'm not saying that women don't do that. Of course you do. I'm speaking specifically to the men today because I want you to hear my heart, what I've dealt with, what I've gone through, and hopefully it encourages you to know you're not by yourself. And if anybody understands, I do. I ain't your psychiatrist, I ain't your psychologist, I'm not even your coach in a lot of cases, but I'm definitely understanding what you're dealing with and I'm here Just want you guys to know that stuff.

Speaker 1: 15:27

A lot of times we do this. We stand on the sidelines, we don't get into the game and we know that we're instrumental in that team getting a win. We won't get into the game. We don't want to be bothered because of pride, because of fear, because of a lack of understanding of who we are and what value we bring to the table. So we stay out of things. We don't get involved. We do that. We do.

Speaker 1: 15:51

This Question is why do we do this? I think we do this for a lot of different reasons. I think we do this because we're not really attached to the purpose inside of us. John Edwards had an awesome quote, and you can see it right here. It says you have a unique story to tell and your voice matters. Don't be afraid to share it with the world. Why do we do all these things? Why do we walk around with our purpose? Why do we abdicate our authority in the earth? Why do we internalize our feelings and we can't share those because of fear or of looking weak in front of people? Why is that even important? Why are we sitting on our hands, waiting for somebody else to do something that we should be doing? Why are we not spearheading?

Speaker 1: 16:37

I've had this discussion with men on so many times in public settings, in public speaking opportunities, and it's like it baffles me that we're still here, still talking about that, still in that same place. Why are we not taking our responsibilities seriously? Do we feel as though we're ill-equipped to do that? Are we actually angry at God and despite him, we don't want to do anything to serve others? What's the reason why we won't do what we're supposed to be doing as men? I know men go to work and bring a paycheck home, but that's not even half of the fullest extent of your responsibility in this earth. There's so much more to you than that. I hope you can see that. I hope you get that. There's so much more to you than just bringing home a check. You bring much more to the table than that. You're much more important than that.

Speaker 1: 17:44

There's another quote that kind of crystallizes some of this. I'm telling you Wilder Heart is a deep book man. Trust me when I tell you this, one of the reasons why we do all those things. This quote kind of sums up a lot of that for me. I'm going to read it to you and hopefully it makes sense to you. This is another quote out of a John Eldridge's, a revised, updated version of wild at heart discovering the secret of a man's soul, which is the title. While at heart, discovering the secret of a man's soul, and the quote says there is something else I am after. Out here in the wild I am searching for an even more elusive prey, something that I'm going to read, that again there's through the help of wilderness, I'm looking for my heart. There's so many men out here that don't even know who they are. Honestly, that could have been me, because we downplay it and we think as a mother, we can do it all and we try to be super women. To us it's like they do so much and I love women for doing that when, when the husband, the fathers or the husbands don't stick around, but the impact on the children is devastating and I don't think that mothers understand that.

Speaker 1: 19:18

With all of your love and your attention and your focus, it doesn't erase that. It doesn't erase the feeling of abandonment. My mom was there for me. She was out there having me ride bikes, riding bikes with me. I was doing track and field and relay races. I was playing baseball. She was tossing me the ball in my Rollins glove, letting me get some hits out there, shooting hoops. I was doing everything sports-wise, everything a young kid wants to do, and she was right there helping me out. But it still didn't replace the feeling of abandonment, knowing that somebody that's supposed to be there didn't want to be there. Somebody that's supposed to be there, didn't want to be there, and there's a part of our hearts that you almost have to rediscover when you go through stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 20:10

To find out who you are, the validity of who you are, why you matter, why you're important in this big old sphere called Earth. I can tell you to go to the Bible. I can show you where it validates who you are, your purpose in the earth and all those things. I get that. But a lot of people don't go into the Bible To find these answers. So where do you find? How do you get attached and connected to who you need to be? How do you help find that?

Speaker 1: 20:38

And that quote that I read Referenced the wilderness. A lot of times you have to go into a place where you have to essentially find yourself. I'm not saying go try to find a wilderness somewhere and go sit there for a while. I'm not really saying that. But we find ourselves through the adversity and through the rough places and the rough patches in our life. I did that.

Speaker 1: 21:02

I'm a witness. I've been through wilderness experiences before. I hate the outdoors, so I'm not really talking about that. If you know me, you know better. But I've been through wilderness experiences before. I've been through those and I grew up the most in those times where I would follow my face and cry, saying why? Why doesn't he want me in his life? Why am I not special? Why him and her but not me? Why don't I get to be a part of the family?

Speaker 1: 21:39

Man have real troubles, real issues, and they don't come out on paper. You can't see them, but they're there. That's why we do those things that I just laid out. That's why we stand on the sidelines sometimes. We walk around with our purpose and get caught up in things that they're not even for. They don't even look like us and we get attached to all kinds of stuff because we're trying to find out who we really are. They don't even look like us and we get attached to all kinds of stuff because we're trying to find out who we really are. We don't even know how to even start looking and we give up sometimes and stop looking. We do this. How about we need this?

Speaker 1: 22:16

At a young age, a lot of you, if you're a man, have been told how to be a man. Tv has taught you how to be a man or tried to indoctrinate you or influence you in being a man in a certain way. You do certain things, you say certain things, you talk to your wife or your girlfriend in a certain way, and TV has taught that. It's a really bad example Case in point. Don't learn how to be a man from watching TV shows Not good, but in most of those cases and everywhere where learning about being a man is emphasized, there's no personal development. We go to work and we go do stuff, try to make our own opportunities, fix problems, but we rarely ever meet the expectations that really matter. Excuse me, several months ago, I felt the I hesitate to call it a call, but I felt a strong impression to start a men's group. I'll tell you this just so you know, just for future purposes.

Speaker 1: 24:13

Most of the biggest things that you are challenged with in life are usually the same site for your greatest victories. Whatever challenges you the most on the other side of that is probably your greatest victory, your greatest breakthrough in that same area, not a different one in the same area that you're challenged with. And my challenge was with men, for obvious reasons. If you read my book, the Heart of a Stepfather, it was my first and only book that was published so far, published it in 2016, 194 pages. I completed it in six weeks. It was a fire in me to get that book out and I highlighted in that book what I went through with uh, you know, with blended, blended family relationships and, and and my father, and the feelings of, or needs of, validation and feelings of abandonment and all those things that you feel when you have broken situations like that in your life.

Speaker 1: 25:10

And honestly, ever since then, ever since those issues happened in my childhood, I've never had great relationships with men. I always had issues where it would be trust, like can I trust this person to stay in my life? I've been a part of a not boy bands, because I think we're a little bit too old for that but I was in groups with other men and I had issues trusting them. They don't know it to this day unless they're listening right now. I had an issue with trusting them, like can I really trust them in? Here we sit and sign our name to contracts and musical deals and publishing deals. Can I trust them to be here and not show up and not screw me over? Can I trust them to be here when times get tough, when they listen to my issues and support me as we move forward together as friends, as brothers. I had trust issues with that and it went on for years, even decades.

Speaker 1: 26:04

But I felt a strong impression early this year to start a group called the Connection. Some of you may have heard about it maybe, perhaps you have not, but it's a men's group. It's not a religious circle, it's not a men's fellowship or a Bible study. It's a safe space for men to deal with issues that are germane to men, things that would be finances, whether it be identity, sexuality, whether it be self-esteem, media, family relationships, whatever it is. We're going to deal with all those things that we have been dealing with it. I believe it's been really impactful. Men have been really touched by that and the opportunity to do that there. We don't do a lot of resources right now, but we got some people who are trying to think about partnering with us, so we like how it's growing. But for right now we just, you know, letting these men kind of share their heart and we kind of help each other with all the various experience in the room and it's been a blessing.

Speaker 1: 27:04

But I would not have been able to do that without God. I'm just putting it out there and just be honest about it. Because of all my past issues, I wouldn't even want to do anything like that regarding men, all the baggage I would bring into the table. Why would I want to do that? But in this group the connection I saw some beautiful things that were taking place. I saw the most brokenness when they were at great jobs, positions in the high places. They relied on to do important things in life and some of them were even too busy for personal development. But I saw so much of a growth and a breakthrough from a lot of these men because they put themselves in a place of vulnerability and say you know what? I got some issues and I don't know how to solve. I've been carrying them around for a while and nothing else has been able to fix it. Alcohol hasn't fixed it. Drugs haven't fixed it. Having a whole bunch of friends going out and partying hasn't fixed it. Obviously they didn't have to answer I need something else and it's been changing men's lives. That's the kind of thing that we need. We need this. I'm not saying my group, but as a whole. Men need stuff like this. This has been blessing me more, almost more, than it's been blessing them. I know I need something like this.

Speaker 1: 28:21

There are several scriptures that I can quote, but I'll just give you a couple of them. In the first Kings, with the prophet Elijah, I think. The second Kings, with the prophet Elijah, he had an epic battle at Mount Carmel where he uh, took care of business all the false prophets of Baal, and it was epic. It was a historic battle. I can't even, I don't even want to understate it. It was historic.

Speaker 1: 28:51

Days later he was fleeing for his life because he got some bad news, falling into the depression and having thoughts of suicide. After making history and a huge boon for the kingdom of God. Days later he was fleeing for his life, thinking about no longer being with us anymore. That's astounding, but isolation was a part of that. Isolation opened the door to that feeling. He didn't have anybody else to lean on, he didn't have a support system. He was all by himself. Isolation is something that men do very well, much to our detriment.

Speaker 1: 29:48

David is probably the greatest king, arguably in biblical history, prospered more than any other king living or dead. Why? Was it his military prowess? Was it his massive armed forces? Or his vulnerability with God and him being in touch with what he needed from God. I'll let you figure that one out for yourself.

Speaker 1: 30:12

I want to tell you that we are who we are as a man. Yep, you're a father. You're a brother. You're a son. Yep, you're a nephew. You're a grandson. You're all that stuff in the back of the ship. Yeah, you're all, nephew, you're a grandson. You're all that stuff in the back of the ship. Yeah, you're all that. You know what else you are? You're a king. You have the seed of kings inside of you. The blood that flows in your veins is the blood of kings, of prophets, of priests, men of valor, warriors. That's you.

Speaker 1: 30:49

If you trace back far enough, you'll find. I ain't saying go to ancestrycom. I'm not saying that If you go back far enough, you'll see great men who have done great things inventors, leaders, public speakers, orators, authors, poets, kings and princes, world changers, pioneers. That's inside of you. I know what they're saying about you Because they're saying it about me. I know how they view you because they're saying it about me. I know how they view you because they view me the same way. I know what they expect of us, but we're greater than that. We are kings and prophets and priests and pioneers and world changers and thought leaders. We are that and so much more. This didn't go where I thought it would go today, but I hope you're encouraged, hope you know that you matter.

Speaker 1: 31:56

I would love to have conversations with you guys offline, if you would like that, if you would appreciate that. You can find me, of course, on any one of our social media platforms. We can start a conversation. I love to chat with you. If you're local, I definitely welcome you to join the connection we meet every quarter. I would love to have you be a part of that. But if not, love to chat with you offline, kind of hear your heart and perhaps maybe A resource or an encouragement might help you in whatever it is you're dealing with, but wherever you are and however you are listening to the Call Me, mr you, the podcast. We thank you once again for making us a part of your morning, your day and your week. We are your weekly mirror check before you change the world. We do this, we need this, but most importantly, we are this man. I got you. I'm excited for your future. Enjoy the music, coach out, we'll be right back.