Purpose, Relationships, and Boundaries

Are you truly in the right position, or merely occupying a space? This episode of the All Purpose Pod unpacks the concept of being aligned with your purpose and your relationship with God. Using the story of Adam and Eve as a springboard, we explore the spiritual repercussions of being out of alignment. We also delve into the significance of placing the right people in key roles in our lives to avoid unhealthy relationships. This segment serves as a heartfelt reflection on maintaining integrity and spiritual alignment in our personal journeys. Are you genuinely connecting, or are you hiding behind your insecurities?

Setting boundaries is crucial, especially in Christian ministry. It's essential to serve from a place of fullness, not depletion. The episode wraps up by emphasizing the importance of personal boundaries and growth. Learn to say no, grow at your pace, and remember, your well-being is paramount for effective ministry work. Thank you for joining us on t

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Chapters

• 0:48 Realigning Your Position With God
• 14:39 Prioritizing Relationships and Alignment
• 18:38 Establishing Healthy Ministry Boundaries
• 31:22 Establishing Personal Boundaries and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:48

Thank you, welcome back to the All Purpose Pod for an all-purpose life. Wherever you are and however you're listening today, call me Mr U the podcast. Thanks again for making us a part of your week. We're so excited to be back with you guys. Well, it's a wild stuff going on since the last time we chatted. But first of all, I just want to say thank you to all you guys that are listening to our shows. I know many of you have made it a family event where you and your family are listening to our podcast in your commutes, even in your private time at home. I'm honored that you can allow your kids to listen to this and they won't get confused or offended. I'm excited that we provide that kind of content that we can call family friendly. So thank you again so much for that. Definitely appreciate that very much from the bottom of my heart. Seriously, thank you guys so much. And if all you guys are listening on audio only, thank you for subscribing to our show on Apple podcast.

Speaker 1: 2:00

We talked about it a few episodes ago I guess a little while back that we're going to be reemphasizing our audio presence. That's why we started the podcast. That's where we started from. We may have some video from time to time but at the end of the day we're an audio podcast and we're proud of that and we're going to definitely go with that. That was the original MO and we're going to stick with it. I know people might say, hey, it's time to evolve, do more video. I hear you I'll be doing it in spots with our sports show on Thursday nights at 7 o'clock that Thursday thing. There'll be some video there, but for the most part a lot of our other podcast brand of shows will be audio only, unless otherwise indicated. So thank you again for supporting that process as we kind of start streamlining some things with our show and with our brand. So thank you for all the support you give us. If you are watching via YouTube or simulcast through social media youtubecom at theycallmemisteru We'd love to get you to subscribe there, like and share some of our work. That would mean a lot to me, my family and, of course, what we're trying to build here at theycallmemisteru. So we thank you again.

Speaker 1: 3:22

I had an opportunity recently to share on this and teach on a topic. But I have a question. Are you in the right place? I've asked this question when I had to do a specific teaching recently, but I think this, really this, is important.

Speaker 1: 3:42

I know that we don't think about our position as it pertains to life and purpose and what the Lord may be saying to us. Often in our world we think about position as some title, that we hold some letters in front of our first name, some letters in front of our first name. But position is important to God. You know that factually by just looking at the garden of Eden experience in the book of Genesis, in the Bible, adam and Eve were accustomed to walking in the cooler today with the Lord in sweet fellowship and relationship, talking to him, listening to him talk back to them in fellowship and relationship together. But when they ate of the fruit that they were forbidden to eat of, they hid and covered themselves with fig leaves because they knew they were naked. And the Bible says that the Lord came walking like he always did, in the cool of the day, like he always did, and his first question was Adam, where are you Now? Of course you know God's not blind. I hope you don't think that he's dumb either. He knows where Adam was.

Speaker 1: 5:07

But the point of this is that, positionally, adam wasn't in the right place. That's the key. That's the point. Adam was out of position. Are you out of position? It's something to think about because even when I taught this message and I shared about the benefits and the importance of being in the right place, I had many people come to me and tell me about what they were doing. I guess what they felt was a general position of where they are, I'm at the right church, I'm at the right place with my family, I'm on the right job. But I wasn't speaking about any of those things when I said are you in the right place? Even when I asked you the question, it wasn't about where you are in your workplace, where you are in your vocation, in ministry, and the title you have and the name plate on your door, the plaque on your desk. That's not why I asked that question. I asked this because, positionally, we need to be in the right place where the Lord is concerned, where our relationship with him is concerned, because, at the end of the day, when everything else fades away and it will when everything else falls off and it will when all the high things come down and they will the bottom line is that you need to be able to say I'm aligned with the creator as his creation, I'm in the right place, I'm in position. He doesn't have to ask me where am I because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Adam was hiding, but he was in the wrong place. Spiritually, he had shifted positions. He had shifted positions. He moved from one place, which is fellowship, relationship, a trust, an honorable, integrous connection with God, to a place where he was hiding, walking in fear and shame and guilt. He had changed positions.

Speaker 1: 7:24

One of the most painful aspects of relationship for me in the past was realizing that I had put the wrong people in the wrong position in my life to my detriment. I was talking about it the other day with my wife riding down the road about how I had some friends that I used to in some ways support. That's weird. Hopefully they're your friends. They will not take advantage of you and they will not try to use your ability to take care of things as an opportunity to take care of them as well. Why they don't offer anything of value in return. No reciprocation, if you will, and it's funny, but it was the truth and I lived in it and I'm like I'm not even that kind of person, but that's where I was. I wasn't born like that or raised like that. You say but that's where I was. I wasn't born like that or raised like that. I should say but that's where I was. I know better than that in my head, in my heart. But that's where I was. And I was in that place for some years before I quote unquote woke up and figured out this wasn't a good situation for me anymore and I needed to shift my position.

Speaker 1: 8:49

There's something about being in the wrong place. You find yourself doing things you never thought you'd be doing, around people you never thought you'd be around if you had a choice to pick and choose. Can God talk to you where you are? Can he speak to you where you are? Can he speak to you where you are and it still be in the realm of that loving, fruitful relationship that Adam and the Lord had in the beginning? Can he talk to you where you are right now? Does he have to call your name and say where are you Mike? Where are you Bob? Where are you Mike? Where are you Bob? Where are you Daniel? Where are you Laura? Where are you Janet? Where are you Mary? Where are you? Because you've abandoned your post? I get it.

Speaker 1: 9:46

I know that most people don't even see anything wrong with where they are. It doesn't even hit them that they're out of position, they don't even notice it, and that scares me even more, because they don't even realize they're not in place anymore. It's incredible, but it's not hard to move out of position. There was an account that I read. I read it multiple times. I read it mostly in business books. But if you have a plane that's sitting on the tarmac in New York City and you intend for the plane to land in Seattle, washington which is clear across the country as far as you can go from where New York is basically and you adjust the amount of degrees by one tenth of a degree, do you know that you could end up in a foreign country? You could end up in San Diego, anywhere, but Seattle, just because you changed it one degree? I believe that that idea is factual. By the way, I didn't make that up. But just changing the nose and direction one degree can take you into a whole different location than where you intended.

Speaker 1: 11:14

I say today to you that your position may have changed, whether you realize or not, just because of one degree, a percentage a. Because of one degree, a percentage, a fraction of a degree. And now you're in a place that was not the original intention. I'm cool with being honest. Maybe somebody else can't do that. That's listening to their data. There's too much at stake. They're too invested. Maybe they can't do that. I'm going to be honest today. I've too much at stake. They're too invested. Maybe they can't do that. I'm going to be honest today.

Speaker 1: 11:50

I've been in that place. I've been in a place where I was heading in a certain direction and found myself in a place that I didn't recognize, a place that I did not intend to be, but I found myself there. Then I had to ask the Lord to help me get out. Maybe that's just me and none of you guys feel that way. That's fine, but that but that, but that was me. And one of the things I think is rough about being in the right place is that we don't understand or we don't have a good handle on boundaries. We have a general population, we have a place of friendship, agreement, of company We've been working with certain people doing the same thing, kind of a I guess, a cooperation between each other and then you have a place of deepness, of deep friendship, years of experience with each other.

Speaker 1: 12:56

Sacred trust. You know my fridge is their fridge. You know my guest room is automatically theirs whenever they want it. You know what I'm saying. They ain't got to go to a B&B, they ain't got to go to Airbnb. They can come to your guest room. It's automatically theirs. You know, whenever you get blessed abundantly, you give them their second fruits. Those are three different areas A general population, a general association, a place of friendship and agreement, and then a place where there's a deep friendship. Sacred trust. Like I said, my fridge is their fridge. You get blessed, they get your second fruits. If you got a guest room, they can always have it, no questions asked. They can come to your house, know the code to your house and come in wherever they want to.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Those are three different areas and you've got to really recognize who belongs where, and I hate to put people in categories, but unfortunately that's just life and you have to. If you don't, you run the risk of allowing something unholy, something that is averse to what you believe In a place that's supposed to be holy and sacred to you. It's not impossible for that to happen. I'm telling you this from friendship, relationship and ministerial experience. It can definitely happen and it can happen easy and sometimes we do it to ourselves. Who belongs in that place of sacred trust and who does not? Who belongs in that place of friendship and agreement and who does not? Who belongs in general pop but they're closer than they should be, or vice versa.

Speaker 1: 14:40

One of the rough parts also about relationship that I learned is that I thought myself in a place where I thought I invested enough time, I gave enough, I was supportive enough, I was loving and compassionate enough, I was faithful enough that I thought I would be in a place of friendship and agreement. But that person or these persons had me in general pop, like I was outside, like I had no real place to be there, and those are the kind of things that you know it can hurt you, but when you prioritize relationships, you got to understand that there are different levels and segments of relationship and you got to make sure that things are in the right place. When I was in culinary school my wife jokes about the name of it all the time but there was something called mise en place. M-i-s-e is one word, e-n, that's another word P-L-A-C-E, mies In Place it's a culinary term that means Everything in its place, whatever you're doing.

Speaker 1: 15:44

Well, first off, when you have a design to Complete a recipe of some sort, right, the first thing we do In culinary training. First thing we do Is we get all the ingredients that are required. Not only that, we get all the ingredients that are required. We buy everything we got to get and we have it all in front of us right To make sure we have everything for the very specific recipe.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Once we have that, let's do a step two to this. That's just step one. Step two is we dole out all the things according to the measurements that are required. So, if it requires a half tablespoon of baking powder, we have that already made and ready. We're not doing it in the middle of it, we're doing it beforehand. If it requires a cup of water, we have that ready. If it requires a third of a cup of vanilla flavoring, we have that ready. If it requires two cups of sugar, we have that already ready. We're not going in a bag trying to get it done while we're cooking. No, we already have it ready already and we have all those things ready or mise en place, all things in this place, before we even get started putting the recipe together or even turning the oven on and preheating. Before we do any of that stuff, everything that we need for the recipe is already out and measured exactly toward specifications and then we start preheating the oven. Then we start mixing things together and getting the mixture out and then putting stuff in pans and then putting stuff into the oven. Mixing things together and getting the mixer out and then putting stuff in pans and then putting stuff into the oven.

Speaker 1: 17:18

What I'm trying to say in all that stuff is that there's a place for everything and there's a place for everybody. There are times now where people can shift positions and graduate from being friendship in friendship and agreement in a general way to being at the place where your fridge is their fridge and their fridge is your fridge and in the reverse. You can have friends like that who have that sacred trust, like Jesus did with Jesus and being the secretary Of the apostles finances, and get demoted and the sacred trust that you had. Now they're in general association, general pop, now because of decisions that they have made personally. It can change, it's not, it's fluid, but it's just good to know and evaluate where people are in your life. Are you in the right place, not only in somebody else's life, but in the life that you say you have with God? Are you hiding and trying to cover up with fig leaves because you're in shame and doubt because of something you've done that you know God's not pleased with? Or are you in a place where you can be in a loving relationship? He can speak to you where you are and you can hear him and you'll be quick to obey and you won't delay it and say you know what? I'll put that on hold. It's not the right time for that right now.

Speaker 1: 18:38

The word boundaries is incredibly important in this place, in this time frame. Excuse me. The American Psychological Association describes boundaries as a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group, that helps a person or group set realistic limits on participation in an event, activity or relationship. It's a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group, that helps personal groups set realistic limits on participation in activity or relationship. Boundaries. We need to have those. I'm not telling you how to set yours, I'm just saying that we need it.

Speaker 1: 19:29

Christians are scared to say no in a lot of areas and what ends up happening is and I'm telling you this from experience. This is all about being in the right place. This is just my life experience being opened up on pages for you guys to hear today. This is not about you or anybody. You know I'm talking about me. Today, christians are scared to say no. A lot of the times I've been in that place, I was scared to say no for a lot of different reasons. When you deal with issues like I did, with validation and feeling as though you were not loved and things of that stuff and wanting attention because you didn't have it in certain areas in your life, you find yourself saying yes to a lot of things from a lot of people because you don't want to look like you're unloving or antisocial or selfish. You don't want to be unkind and be a Christian right that don't seem to match. You want to be kind and loving and accommodating, and what that mindset does is make you say yes to things that you probably shouldn't say yes to. You become averse to the idea of saying no, even to the point of being scared to say no. We didn't say no in life to establish the right boundaries. I understand that. That's a fair assessment. We didn't say no in life to establish the right boundaries. I understand that that's a fair assessment and we need to do that in certain places, but we need to do that everywhere. That includes the ministry as well.

Speaker 1: 21:35

I experienced this because it was a time I won't name the ministry because I don't want to do that but it was a time where I was involved in ministry to the beat of eight different ministries that I was involved in in this ministry Eight things that I was not only involved in, I served in. I was some kind in some form of leadership in seven or eight different ministries. As you can imagine, it was inevitable that I get burnt out. That's exactly what happened. I got burnt out and had to stay away from things for a long period of time. I just couldn't handle it. Mentally I was fried. Emotionally I was fried. I was doing too much, I was GTMing out here, I was just doing too much. And the reason why I did it was I realized that it revolutionized my life and my thinking about ministry altogether and it just changed everything about how I approach it now. But the reason why I did it? It was revealed that I was afraid of disappointing God. I thought he wouldn't be pleased with me if I said no to a ministry opportunity. I thought he wouldn't be pleased with me if I said no to a ministry opportunity.

Speaker 1: 22:48

Let me help you out with this and kind of bust this bubble right quick and break this myth. It ain't true. God's not going to be disappointed with you, because he wants you to be able to rest. He wants you to be able to be functional and healthy. He wants you to be able to pour into the lives of others from a full cup. You can't do that if you're doing seven or eight things and spread out so wide and so thin and on top of that, along with being in a position where you're trying to pour out and you have an empty cup also along with that, it impacts your family. It impacts your household.

Speaker 1: 23:26

I can say that from a personal standpoint. We all got kids, and most of us, if we don't, you will. We all got relatives and family members that rely on us doing things with them and being there for them. When you can't be there for them and give them the attention that they deserve and you can't feed them the way they need to be fed, I don't mean with natural food, I mean with life, opportunity, experiences when you're unavailable because you're doing so much for your church and you spend no time with your household, whether it be your spouse, or whether it be your children or grandchildren.

Speaker 1: 24:02

In whatever cases, that's a cost you don't want to pay. Whether it be your children or grandchildren, or whatever cases, there's a cost that's a cost you don't want to pay. Let me just put it to you that way from personal experience. I'm not talking about nothing in particular that we're going to go into today. I just want you to know that, though, but if you're in that spot and you can hear me, hear me well today, hear me well today that cost is too high. I know that you think serving people in ministry who maybe, perhaps they don't want to do the legwork, maybe they don't want to put in the effort to recruit the right people, they just want bodies to do stuff. Okay, that happens often in very brand new ministries. I get that, but after many have been established for a while, there should be a system and a protocol, a standard, but if you say yes to everything that you ask for, it's going to cost you More than you want to pay, and I see it Even today. I see it.

Speaker 1: 25:00

People are doing 5 or 6 different things and they're stretched out and they don't have any Sembllance of a deep relationship with the Lord. They kind of do a fly by prayers or drive by prayers is more accurate. They kind of just hit and there was a general blanket prayer and they got to keep on moving because they got ministry work to do and nobody I know that's worth their salt ministerially advocates this. This is just a person not having the proper boundaries. Nobody that I know that's worth their salt in ministry has ever made anybody do this. I've known some that have done that but they ain't worth their salt. But the ones that I know that are, they would never advocate this because they don't want somebody to have to pour out of an empty cup because it's not feasible, it's not healthy and it's just not right. So the person's decision to say yes to everything is really on them. That's why I'm talking to them today.

Speaker 1: 26:05

Are you in the right place? Are you doing too much? Are you in the place where you are called to be? Are you in the place where you are the most anointed and productive and effective, or are you spread out all over the place and ineffective in where you are and you're trying to hurt your feelings, your feelings but we got to ask ourselves this question Because it's necessary. I've been here and it's traumatic To be in this place. Yeah, ministry can traumatize you, especially when it's not done right. It can be traumatic. It can be detrimental to your physical health and emotional health. There are folks out here that have not been To church organized church. It can be detrimental to your physical health and emotional health. There are folks out here that have not been to church. Organized church got to go inside the actual natural fellowship in probably two years or more. What does that tell you? They can't handle it. They're burnt out. They've seen the demands, as I've already exampled, but it's not what God is calling for. It's just what they've seen in religious circles and the results are dramatic and traumatic. You got to learn how to say no. I know that people might give you some sad puppy eyes. Please join my ministry. We really need your help here. But you got to ask yourself is that for you? Can you accommodate that request and maintain the rigors of the responsibilities that come with it, along with the other things you're doing?

Speaker 1: 27:49

The Bible talks about this in great detail, about counting the costs before you decide to do something, and I love it because it's so appropriate for the time that we're in, it's so appropriate for what we're talking about here, and I think that this is something that's worth Talking about. I'm going to give you a quick overview. In Luke, chapter 14 I think it's so good, but it says Check this out, this is Luke 14. And it says Okay, for which of you? This is Luke 14, verse 28,. Sorry, luke 14 28,. And it says okay, for which of you? This is Luke 14, verse 28, sorry, luke 14, 28.

Speaker 1: 28:29

And it says for which of you intending to build a tower does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it, lest, after he has laid the foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him. Seeing this man began to build and was not able to finish, See it begin to mock him. Saying this man began a bill and was not able to finish. What king going to make war against another king does not sit down first and consider whether he is able, with 10,000, to meet him? Who comes against him with 20,000? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and ask conditions of peace. So, likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has Cannot be my disciple. So the point I'm trying to make in this Is that we gotta consider Everything Before we decide to make a decision.

Speaker 1: 29:14

I had an old pastor and she would love to say this and it was very appropriate To where we all are as believers and I love this and I'll call the show out with this. But what she would say was because she's an average shopper I mean, she's kind of known for it, but she would say that before she decides to buy anything, she would use what she calls the 24-hour rule. It's been used in entrepreneur and business articles and things of that nature. It's not really a foreign concept now. But she would say that If you see that dress in the window or that Piece of electronics you want to buy, whatever it is, take 24 hours, look at it, note where it is, how much it costs, all that kind of stuff, and take 24 hours To decide. And in 24 hours, if you still feel like it's valid and it's worth you having and you can see all the pros outweighing the cons and doing it, then go back and get that thing, but in this case it still kind of applies.

Speaker 1: 30:16

When somebody asks you to do something in ministry or actually do anything relationally, ask yourself are you in the right place? Ask yourself is this something I should be doing? And take the time to think about it. Take the time to ponder it as a matter of fact. Why would you do that right now? Take the time to ponder if you're in the right place when it comes to relationships, ponder. Take the time and I've done this as an exercise myself, so I'm speaking out of experience Take the time to look at've done this as an exercise myself, so I'm speaking out of experience.

Speaker 1: 30:47

Take the time to look at the people in your life. Are they in the right place? Are you prioritizing them where they should be? Because that's your responsibility, it's not theirs, it's yours. You're in control of this circle. You have to decide. People can place you where they want to in their circle. That's under their control but in your relationship circle, you decide what you're going to allow or what you're going to disavow. So be thinking about that. I think it's really important, I think it's valuable, I think it means something in this day and time and hopefully you're in the right place and you understand why boundaries are important.

Speaker 1: 31:22

Learn how to say no where it's necessary. Don't say no to God because you're lazy. Learn how to say no where it's necessary. Don't say no to God because you're lazy. I'm saying say no where it's applicable. If you don't feel comfortable with stepping into certain relationships or ministerial roles, be honest about that with yourself and grow and step into it when you're ready. But wherever you are and however you're hearing the Call Me, mr U podcast, we thank you again for making us a part of your week. Thank you for listening to us today and hope you enjoy the show. Hope you're setting boundaries out there right now because you know you got to. So please do it. Are you in the right place? I really hope you are. Enjoy the music. Coach out.