Inspiration Station: Abandonment Issues For The Modern Day

Is finding validation and acceptance a never-ending struggle for you? Discover the transformative power of divine sonship on this special episode of the All Purpose Pod. Hear heartfelt stories from my personal life, including the creation of my book, "The Heart of a Stepfather," and a sneak peek at what's coming next. We tackle the internal battles of seeking approval, stressing that being a child of God is a gift of faith, an unearned and unconditional relationship. 

Explore the profound healing and trust that can come from embracing God as a father, especially when earthly parental figures fall short. Drawing from cultural and historical examples like "Little House on the Prairie" and my own experiences of abandonment, I illustrate how early maturity brings responsibilities but also opportunities for deeper connections. Listen as I share how discovering God as my Father reshaped my life, and find inspiration to embody His qualities in your own journey. Don't miss out on this deeply moving episode aimed at elevating your spirit and transforming your perspective.

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Chapters

• 0:29 The Father's Unconditional Love
• 15:16 Discovering Sonship Through Trust and Healing
• 23:07 Embracing God as Our Father

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

I'm going to make a Welcome back to the All Purpose Pod for an all-purpose life. Wherever you are and however you're listening to the Call Me Mr you the podcast, we thank you again for making us a part of your week. We are back with you. Thank you for the support that you've been providing to the show. Thank you for subscribing on Apple Podcasts to our audio-only podcast and, of course, our YouTube channel at they Call Me Mr U on YouTube. Thank you for subscribing there and for following us on all the platforms where you enjoy your podcast. We definitely appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 1:06

Lots of stuff going on, lots of exciting things to talk about. I don't know if you guys remember this or not, but of course we're well into our fourth season of this podcast, which I'm very, very excited about. Cue the applause. But I am really excited about a lot of the changes that are happening and many of you may have heard this before, but I wrote a book called the Heart of a Stepfather. I said the Heart of the Stepfather. I wrote that probably about eight years ago, just kind of chronicled my life and what I dealt with with, the areas of validation and acceptance and just dealing with the blended family dynamic and all the things that go with that. It's going to be really hard for you to find a book now. A lot has changed since then, but I got some other things in the works. I have also written a couple of books since then. They have. In fact, I rewrote the first book and wrote a couple of books since then, so there's probably three books that are kind of waiting to be released. I'm excited about doing that at some point in the future.

Speaker 1: 2:10

No spoiler, they're just talking out loud a little bit. But there was, there's always been. This is my personal opinion about myself. I'm just being honest here. If you can catch that when you hear some of the earlier episodes, maybe you can see it. But I was dealing with a lot when I first started this show, started it in 2020, at the height of one of the worst times in our history, in my personal history and in the country's history. I think we can agree on that part.

Speaker 1: 2:41

But I started this podcast and tried to build this brand, kind of starting it with some challenges that I was dealing with some internal conflict, if you will, that I was dealing with and I just kind of wondered about where I fit in the big picture. Although I was in ministry for easily 20 years by then, I still had some questions about where I was and where I fit in the big picture and community and just trying to understand what my part was in this whole big deal. I think I have a better handle on it right now, but then I had some challenges with the idea of it. Some challenges with the idea of it. To be honest, I sat for many hours asking God and pondering what kind of love is this that would accept me, and I don't even feel like I accept myself. How am I accepted when I don't even like the person that I am at times? How do I have the power to be called a son of God? How am I validated in this way? And I don't see any way I've contributed to this at all and I don't even play a. I don't feel like I play a part in the process that got me to that place. And there's just several things that kind of come to mind, some passages of scripture that I read off to you before we start getting into our conversation, which I think should be a brief one. I do my best to make that happen. I know you guys got busy lives so I try to keep that as brief as possible.

Speaker 1: 4:17

But first passage John, chapter one, verse 12 says for as many as are led by the spirit of God, they are the sons of God. So if you're led by the spirit, you are a son. If as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. So if you're led by the Spirit, you are a son. If you are led by the Spirit of God, you are a son of God. Romans 8 and 16. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become sons of God, even to them that believe on his name. So if you believe on his name and you receive him as God, then you have the power to become one of his sons. You are adopted into his family. First, john three and one the spirit itself bears witness, with our spirit, that we are the children of God. And of course, galatians four and 16 is on the popular account.

Speaker 1: 4:59

In scripture says behold what manner of love the father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God. Therefore the world knows us, not because it knew him, not, it gets deep there. But what we're understanding from this? Hopefully you can follow this. I'm not trying to go over your head or try to speak higher than the place that you may be in your life right now. Please understand my heart, it's not my intention. I want to try to kind of enlighten you the way I was enlightened. Hopefully that helps, because I was in the same spot you were in and now I'm not anymore because of some changes that I received and accepted personally and professionally too, I guess, and spiritually.

Speaker 1: 5:38

But this idea is that we don't have to. I don't know if you didn't hear that in any of the four passages I just read, but I didn't hear anywhere where it says you have to work To be considered a son. You got to work to be a part of God's family. That wasn't in anything I read or anywhere in the entire realm of scripture, old or New Testament. Because you can't work To be in the family of God, you can't work to be considered for childrenship, if you will, you can't work for it. It's given based on a certain heart posture, on a certain confession, on a certain life stance. You can't earn this. We can fight to maintain it and to keep it authentic and important and valuable to us. We can do that, but we can't fight to earn this. It's giving out of love.

Speaker 1: 6:44

Now, anyone that's listening today, at some point you were a child. Honestly some folks I know perhaps not listening they're still children and they're well into their 40s and 50s and 60s. They're still children. But the bottom line is that we've all been children at some point in time. But the bottom line is that we've all been children at some point in time. If you're listening with your child To our podcast, your child's not going to be a child, always Child. If you're listening, you're going to grow up, you're going to do adult things, you're going to become more responsible. We don't stay a child.

Speaker 1: 7:22

But the one thing I can say with a certainty, no matter the situation, is that you didn't have to earn the right to be someone's child, to be in someone's family. There are certain cultures that may cause you to see that differently if you knew what they entailed. But generally speaking, you should never have to earn your right in the family. You should have to do what your father did to be considered a part of the family. You shouldn't have to be in the family business per se to be a part of the family If your mom and dad are doctors. You shouldn't be obliged to be a doctor just because they were. It's a choice, it's an option. If you see the lifestyle and you see the way they live their life, their time schedule, how they manage it all, if you think that's worth it to you maybe even the big picture of why they became doctors in the first place, if you find that valuable to you, do it. That's totally fine. But it's not an obligation to make you a part of the family or not. Your place in the family dynamic shouldn't be contingent on what kind of work you do and your vocation. We can't earn being a child of God or being a son of God or being in a family of God.

Speaker 1: 8:42

There's a term I used to hear way back in the day, matter of fact, I think it's still going on. I think I hear it from time to time, but the term was you're just like your daddy. Now you got to ask yourself is this a good term or a bad term? When they say you're just like your daddy? I guess it depends on the application. I guess it depends on the context. I guess, but in my personal experience, I guess it depends on the application. I guess it depends on the context, I guess.

Speaker 1: 9:07

But in my personal experience there's few greater pains than that pain of abandonment, when you feel, as though you believe, that you've been left, that you've been dumped off, that you've been forsaken, that you've been left behind, that you've been forsaken, that you've been left behind, that you've been abandoned. There's no greater pain than that. When a child comes into the world, they don't understand the big picture yet. They don't understand what they're getting themselves into because they're babies, they're infants. They get to know mommy and daddy's faces and hear mommy and daddy's voices and responding to the voices that they hear that they've grown comfortable and acquainted with.

Speaker 1: 9:53

It's another thing when a child comes into the world and the father doesn't want to be a part of the child's life. The child doesn't even know what they could have done wrong to, in this case, be abandoned. But there's still an impact that they feel and I've shared this on countless times on our previous episodes of the podcast, specifically in the first and second season. So I won't belabor that point and go into that personal testimony today, but just know that I understand what it's like and I understand that in a lot of cases the parent that still remains is trying to do double duty being a mom and dad in a lot of cases, or trying to find a father for the child through relationships, through dating.

Speaker 1: 10:50

It's a very big burden to try to do the job of two people when you're only one person. Even in your workplaces, y'all complain about having to do 10 times the work because your co-workers don't do the job and you find it to be laborious and heavy to do their job for them plus your job, and y'all still get paid the same, or sometimes you get paid less than the person whose job you're doing. It never sits right to have to do the job of somebody else whose role and responsibility it is. For me, in my quest to be the best father I could be, I had to go through some struggles with that. Learn about me, discuss some things about me. That wasn't quite right, give me some old traditions and mindsets, but my goal was always to be the best father I could be.

Speaker 1: 12:27

And why was that? Not to get a tie in the month of June as a gift or a toolbox, but I did it because it was the assignment, it was my role, it was my responsibility and I accepted it, despite all of the challenges that came at me for trying to do that. I accepted the responsibility, but I also knew that to a degree I did my responsibility. It would be less of a burden on my wife to try to do both roles. She had her own role. If you're a mother out there, you get that the mother's role is extensive. So there's a lot that she's responsible for doing and I didn't want to put more on her because I didn't do my job. So for me, I understood that it was a responsibility there and I understood that. No, my children relied on me and I can't abandon my or forsake my responsibilities to them because I know in the long term that can damage them.

Speaker 1: 13:32

I know many of you may have experiences where you have children that are estranged, maybe what we call prodigal children, that are kind of going away from the Lord or even going away from a relationship with you. We know that that's something that we believe is going to be changing in the coming days, weeks and months and years to come. But it's a real thing and you know, honestly, the idea of sonship you know I talk about it a lot on the podcast. It didn't make sense in my brain at first, because I just simply didn't understand it in real life application, because I was a son to my mother but I didn't know what it meant to be a son to my father.

Speaker 1: 14:06

There's a renowned author named Deverin Frumke. He wrote some books like Life's Ultimate Privilege and the Ultimate Intention, and he had an idea of sonship that kind of helped me get some perspective on things. I really value him for sharing this. But here's a direct quote from Mr Frumke. He said God's idea is that of ultimate sonship. This involves, as we see, much more than being born into the family. It is rather the full attainment of responsibility which comes to those who have arrived at maturity maturity I'll read it again for those in the back. God's idea is that of ultimate sonship. This involves, as we see, much more than being born into the family. It is rather the full attainment of responsibility which comes to those who have arrived at maturity. In Romans 8 and 23,. Another passage says and because you are sons and this is paraphrasing because you are sons, you cry, like a son cries for their father.

Speaker 1: 15:16

For me, what I had to learn was valuable to me because, with the absence of a role model or an example in your life. In the family dynamic there's still a responsibility that comes with maturity. Some kids grow up really fast, maybe faster than they need to, and they find themselves taking care of household and getting jobs early. Even in times back in the 40s and 50s and 60s, people have left school to work. I mean, if you ever watched the Little House on the Prairie, that was a vivid picture of some of those times. People left school and forsaken the organized idea of going to school to pick up a job so that they can take care of their family, because there was needs that had to be met.

Speaker 1: 16:05

I really feel like I grew when I recognized that my trust was in the connection In John 1 and 12, like I read Romans 8 and 16, 1 John 3 and 1, galatians 4 and 6, that's talking about the connection between creator and creation. Now, does that make you feel better right now? If your mother has abandoned your family or your father has left, or you never knew one or the other, or both, does it make you feel better? Perhaps not. I don't want you to feel worse, but I'm not sure it's going to make you feel better. But what I found in my personal experience is that my trust needed to be in the connection, in God as my father. Now, if you have a great relationship with your dad, it's a little bit different for you. You may expect him to be the role model and the example of Christ in your life, but you may just see him as a good dad who gives you what you want and is always there for you, and y'all have family vacations and family holidays together. That's fine. I'm not. I'm not jealous in a negative way. I envy that, but I'm not jealous in that way. I understand that that is meaningful to a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 17:21

For me, my situation was different, so I had to address things differently. For me, my trust had to be in the connection, in the fact that God was my father, trust that he saw me as his and I see him as mine. He is my father, I'm his son. When I embraced relationship with him, ultimately the hurt began to go away. To be honest with you, I'm not calling it a miracle cure or anything like that I'm saying but when I embrace that, the hurts begin to go away.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Now there's a process of healing that has to take place with everyone that goes through any kind of spiritual trauma or emotional trauma. There's even natural trauma. There's a level of healing and process that has to take place. Time does play a part in that to some degree, but there's a process that has to take place. So I'm not discounting that at all. But my hurts were lessened by a great degree and great volume because I saw him. I saw God as my father. Ultimately, I know I have a natural father who I did all I could to get to know, but when I saw God as my father it was a different level. A lot of the hurts that were built and created up they had no power over me. They were no longer present in my life. I could watch a movie or TV show about a father with his son and not bust out crying like I used to. This is how I know that I was being healed. I would bust out crying Don't let me watch no Hallmark or anything like that in it and a father and his son or commercial with a father and son. I bust out crying, Not that many years ago. So the healing is is definitely gradual, but I see it and I'm walking in it.

Speaker 1: 19:14

You know it's thinking of sonship from the perspective of a mature man with a focus on growing up in all aspects to more resemble the father. Every son wants to be like his father. You know I was included into a special family when I received Jesus Christ as Lord, may 23rd 1996. That was one of the greatest days of my entire life. I don't fully understand even at that time, what it meant to be a son. When I think about serving God, I think about a servant. This is where everything began to change for me, because I was being considered a son and that was all I literally ever really wanted in life. I wanted to understand why I had to deal with abandonment, why I had to deal with validation issues, why I had to live a lot of my life dealing with acceptance and trying to figure out why I wasn't wanted in certain areas. But I was just facing the wrong direction when I was making all the petitions all of those years, my focus was in the wrong place. I need to look to the hills from which came my help, because my help came from the Lord.

Speaker 1: 20:19

Ideally, there's going to be a whole bunch of counterfeit fathers out here trying to sway your attention and get you to look at them instead of looking to God. We can't let it happen. Bible commentator RB Jones has this quote it is not a difference in relationship, but in position. What's our heart posture toward the idea of sonship and being a son? He also had another quote adoption cannot make a child any nearer or dearer, yet it gives the child a status he did not enjoy before, a position he did not occupy. Why am I talking about adoption? Because, from a scriptural standpoint, we want the outside looking in. When it comes to the blessings of God, they were reserved for his children, the children of Israel specifically. But when? The children of Israel just a long story short, spoiler alert if you haven't read the whole Bible yet, spoiler alert. The children of Israel didn't accept the blessing as it was being given. They had disrespect or disdain for the giver of the blessing. So the opportunity was expanded.

Speaker 1: 21:27

Say, for example, that you have a dinner party for five or six of your closest friends and their families, right, and it's been set months in advance. You already know what date it's going to be on, they know, they've been informed. You had RSVPs for all six families. They said they're going to be there on this month, on this day in this year, and when the year and the date and the month came up, they didn't show up. Now you can assess your own feelings. How would you feel if they didn't show up for you? In that regard, after you prepared all this food, you planned months in advance to make sure everybody was good and everybody was co-signing on this event you were going to have. And they didn't show up. None of the six families showed up. No phone call, no text. You call to find out. Are you stuck in traffic? You okay? No response back when you're trying to reach out that day of the event that you guys scheduled together and it came in agreement with.

Speaker 1: 22:30

Now there's a passage of scripture, a parable in scripture, that talks about a scenario just like that. But what happened was when people didn't show up for the gathering for the supper, the invitation was expanded. Invite those in the highways and the byways. Go into the streets in the cities and the towns. Invite everyone that you meet. Tell them you got enough food for everybody. They can come. That's how we got adopted into the family. That's how we got included into the family of God and we have access now to a greater blessing than anything our mother and father can give us.

Speaker 1: 23:07

So if you're challenged with your parentage and your relationship with them. Hopefully it encourages you that when I realized that God was my father, it changes everything and the way I saw things. So when someone says you're just like your daddy, I'm really hoping that they mean that in the way that matters, because I want to be just like my daddy, not so much my natural father. I got some talents and abilities that he has given me, but I want to be like God the father. That's what I want. Hopefully you'll subscribe for the same things. Hope the podcast episode blessed you. Hope you enjoyed it. Look forward to hearing from you guys really soon. Have a great day.