Isolation or Solitude: The Veteran's Crossroad with Nick Furloni

Nick shares his journey from military kid to service member to faith-based coach, revealing how global experiences shaped his view that people matter above all else.

• Growing up as a military dependent, moving internationally and gaining appreciation for diverse cultures
• Formative childhood experience in Peru witnessing extreme poverty that taught him to count his blessings
• Military service triggered by 9/11, serving 11 years active duty including combat deployments
• Distinguishing between healthy patriotism at its core versus misuse for personal gain
• Post-military identity struggles and finding new purpose through faith and community
• Difference between isolation (running from pain) and solitude (purposeful reflection)
• Importance of community for veterans and all men facing life transitions
• Brain health coaching approach that addresses physical brain health alongside mental wellness
• Encouragement for veterans to pursue VA benefits despite tedious processes
• Finding purpose through helping others and building meaningful connections

Find Nick at valorvisioncoaching.com and join his Men of Valor group for accountability, goal-setting, and community.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Military Upbringing and World Perspective
• 7:38 Understanding True Patriotism
• 12:24 Military Service and Identity Impact
• 18:06 Transitioning to Civilian Life
• 22:24 Finding Purpose Through Faith
• 29:23 Brain Health and Community Building
• 35:29 Isolation vs. Solitude for Veterans
• 40:06 Resources and Support for Veterans

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:19

All right, so here we go. Welcome back to one-on-one with Mr U. Of course, I'm your host, mr U, in studio with us. Nick Filoni, good friend of mine and the founder of valor and vision, coaching my brother, how are you?

Speaker 2: 0:49

today, man, I am great man. I'm uh extremely thankful to be on here, man same here, brother, glad to have you on.

Speaker 1: 0:55

We had some. We had an awesome uh pre-interview chat and I want the whole world to hear about what we were talking about. Man, but let's kind of start how we always do it, I guess let's talk about your upbringing and your childhood. What was it like for young Nick?

Speaker 2: 1:11

Young Nick man. You know I always said like one of the hardest questions to ever ask me is where you're from, because I was a military kid. I moved around everywhere. I was actually born in Germany, so I can't even read my birth certificate except for my name and the date. So at least I know who I am and where I was when I was born. And but no, it was as good as my dad's tour in Germany at the time.

Speaker 2: 1:35

During his time of service he was in the Army. West Point grad played football for West Point as well. So big West Point grab play football for West Point as well. So big go, army beat Navy. And so any of my Army brothers out there are definitely excited to hear that. But yeah, good stuff, 27 years he did. So we moved around. He did not leave the Army until I was a senior in high school, so the whole time.

Speaker 2: 2:02

And then I went off to college and you know, after living all over the place, and then I realized I continuously needed to have a change of scenery, have a change of place of where I was at, because it was just that's what I did.

Speaker 2: 2:21

Every two and a half years On average, you move to a new location, and so you know good and bad out of that uh definitely brought me up in a nice way of well-roundedness, of enjoying people of different areas, different countries, different cultures, different points of view. Uh, and it just it really helped me have a perspective of loving humanity, if you will, uh, no matter where you're from, and uh, and enjoying the differences that we all get to, no matter where you're from, and enjoying the differences that we all get to have, no matter where we're at. Went off to college 9-11 happened while I was a sophomore in college, and that reminded me of the patriotic bone in which I was born with, and so I joined the military myself and went off into that, as I enlisted first, then finished college, then also became an officer myself and then did 11 years active duty. Oh wow, thank you for your service. Yeah, that was. That was young me getting into that.

Speaker 1: 3:21

I got some questions about that time. I moved around a good bit. It wasn't the same as far as the international part of it, but I got some questions for you on here, Some perspective about that. But you mentioned about having, I guess, kind of gaining appreciation for people. What were your thoughts and assumptions about people in general or in specifics before you moved around and met people from different cultures and lifestyles and such? What were your thoughts and assumptions before that?

Speaker 2: 3:51

um, I don't know because. Even so, when I was a young kid I was around three, four years old this is one of the few memories I have of when we were living in peru and, uh, we lived in a really nice house American dollar went far back then, it was, you know, mid eighties at that point and, uh, we lived in this nice house and my mom I remember her coming in and I was getting upset because she started picking up older toys that I had in my playroom and I was like those are mine. I just remember being mad that she was taking my stuff. And she said it's okay, come with me. And she grabbed this big bag of toys I wasn't playing with anymore and grabbed my hand and took me outside and went around the back of the house and around the back of the nice fence and the backyard that we had and everything, and right behind where our house was and I did not ever notice this until then where kids living in cardboard boxes and metal huts and just, you know this, this third world image of of this level of poverty, that these kids didn't have anything. But yet, even though they didn't have anything, they had a smile on their face and I just remember being in shock as a three or four year old Right, and just being in shock and knowing that, oh my gosh, not everybody has what I have, and I just shut my mouth and I started handing, helping my mom hand the toys out to other kids and it and it remember that just always, just letting me know, count your blessings, appreciate what you have.

Speaker 2: 5:37

You know and realize that others don't always have that and and we're also, if we're blessed, we're blessed to be a blessing to others and that's just been. I think that's been a thought of mine all throughout. So I've never been one of those people that kind of really looked down on somebody because you didn't have, or you didn't have the stature of me or whatever, and I believe that you could be born in a lower area, but you can grow in in that with hard work, perseverance, um, dedication, you know, right mindset, like all those things that we can have that are free.

Speaker 1: 6:15

It's free to have dedication.

Speaker 2: 6:17

It's free to have motivation, it's free to do all those kinds of things and and do all of that. And, uh, anybody can get better. Anybody can grow, Anybody can do whatever Um things and and do all of that. And, uh, anybody can get better. Anybody can grow. Anybody can do whatever Um it may it's not easy, but you can do it, and I think that's what's propelled me into where I'm even at right now and believing in people, Um, you know, and then, even with my faith now, I say I believe in you and I don't even need to know you, because I know who made you.

Speaker 1: 6:45

That's good man. So that location you were talking about with the kids that were living like that, where was that at? Again?

Speaker 2: 6:49

That was in Peru, right outside of Lima, peru, the capital of Peru, down there, okay.

Speaker 1: 6:54

I want to talk about a few things. Thanks for sharing that story. That's a showstopper right there, wow Okay. That's a showstopper right there, wow Okay. But when you hear the word patriotism these days, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Because a lot of times it's used in certain circles. It's almost used as a point of leverage or as a tool to achieve a certain end, as opposed to what I think. You see it, I heard my dad talk about it when he was in the military. It had a different ring to it than what I hear right now. When you hear patriotism, what's that speak to you? What's the first thing that comes to mind?

Speaker 2: 7:48

core I believe is good.

Speaker 1: 7:49

Okay, at its core, I believe it's good am I saying that america has always done the right thing? Absolutely not. I mean, if you know, we can't say.

Speaker 2: 7:53

We can't say that, sir, no, we can't, we can't we can't say that, but I believe, at the core of what it was initially meant to be as a country, that it's a good thing, right it, uh. And so patriotism is believing in the core of what something is wanting to promote it, help it grow it, defend it. All of those things. I love that. I love that. Have people done bad things with good things? Absolutely, uh, and that's unfortunate and we need to call those things out. We need to say against those things. But at the core, do you believe this is a good thing in here to help people to grow people, to motivate people, to defend people? That's what. That's what I believe patriotism is.

Speaker 1: 8:40

I love that. I love that. One thing I'm trying to get off topic here because I got some other stuff on my mind as well, but it's kind of tragic when somebody goes through some things and don't it doesn't learn anything from it, and that's something I see that very, very often in certain circles. You moved around a lot, lives in different places, was acquainted with different cultures. Tell me what's two huge life lessons you learned from all that time of moving around and meeting different people and experiencing different cultures and life and people. What's two huge life lessons to me that you pulled from that that you can share with us?

Speaker 2: 9:22

People matter, people matter, people matter, people are, matter, people. Everything you can say, well, I do this for the greater of the organization. Well, an organization is nothing without its people. That's, that's the truth. You know. What I mean, like on all our organization is is the conglomerate of people going after a specific goal or task or vision. That's what an organization is Now. Is it run this way, does it? You know, a company goes after and produces a product and the people together that produce, manufacture, distribute, sell, support that product, that is just a group of people going after a vision of having that great company. You know, whatever the case may be, um, non-profit, same thing, uh, any of any organization, it's all about people. You can add ai and all this kind of stuff, but still at the back, the, at the button of ai, is still a person. There's still a person operating ai. Ai has has not become, as far as I understand, and I hope it doesn't become self-aware, and then we're in a Terminator 2 kind of scenario.

Speaker 2: 10:31

Yeah, the AI robot era.

Speaker 1: 10:33

Right, you know what?

Speaker 2: 10:34

I mean, but ultimately it's about people, and people matter. People are that's what it's all about and so you have to care for them and you have to lead them. Well, if you're called to be a leader, if you're called to be a follower, follow're brought up in. People still drive towards good leadership people that care for them and people that know that others have their best interest for them, no matter what. Like that's kind of universal as some of the things that I've learned.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Okay, I love that, and we talked a lot about your military service. I kind of shared a little bit about my pop experience that we can get into some more details. But you talked a lot about your military service. I kind of shared a little bit about my pop experience that we can get into some more details. But you talked a lot about your military time and identity. So I want to ask you this before you start sharing the story your time in combat, your two tours to Iraq and everything and 11 years active Do you believe it's possible to have long military service and come out with no impact on identity?

Speaker 1: 11:46

Because there's obviously a stigma about the military itself that I hear coming out of people's mouths my mother she was not a fan. The very idea of me going into the military was she fought that tooth and nail. I think I understand why, more now in my latter years than I did at the time. But do you believe it's possible to have a long term military service and not have an impact on your identity? Because we talk about how we get built up to get broken down. Help us out with that one. Speak to that for us.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Military or anything we talked about. You know if you're, who you are and how you act and behave, and all of those kinds of traits. When you're 18 to when you're 40, whether you're in military or not, you were changed. You're not as a 40 year old. I hope you're not the exact same person as you were as an 18-year-old. I hope not, right? I hope not. I don't think you or I or many people would be doing what they're doing if they were still acting as if they were 18. So life has a way of shaping us, molding us, and all of that through the experiences that we have. And, of course, the military is no different, and you're going to have immense experiences. You're going to have immense and intense times in there, by design, because the military is designed to be the instrument of defense for the nation, right, and so we have to be built to do exactly that for the nation.

Speaker 2: 13:28

There's military is not a nonprofit organization to to hand out teddy bears, right. Uh, military is there to make sure that, um, we are protected and our freedoms are maintained. That's ultimately what it's there for, and so the job of doing that is. That's why what happens at basic training and other military courses throughout your time. They operate in a certain way of tearing you down, making sure you get rid of almost all habits good or bad, right and building you back up with proper way of acting, um, motivating you to uh instill certain characteristics in you that make you function properly to do exactly the job that you signed up to do within the organization of the military. You know um, and every one of them different. If you went in as a mechanic, of course you're going to get uh more detailed training on how to be a mechanic, how to take care of the trucks and the Humvees and all the other different equipment that we have. Uh. If you came in to be an infantry soldier, absolutely You're going to be getting infantry soldier training, uh, and all of that, and that's going to have an impact on you.

Speaker 2: 14:42

And then there's some basic stuff that military has, regardless of what you did Be on time, be courteous. You know customs and courtesy, standing at attention. You know all of these different things saluting yes sir, no sir. You know proper etiquette and respect rank structure. You know respecting authority and also how to exude authority when you have it as well leadership, all of those capabilities, and so of course it's going to change you. It's going to impact you, um, and the question is how do you wield it? Do you wield it with respect towards others or do you wield it for your own gain? That's the common. That's the problem is are you a veteran that takes those things for your own purposes and your own gain and your own notoriety, or are you doing it for the betterment of your soldiers around you and other people around you for a good reason and to help others Makes sense?

Speaker 1: 16:22

One final question about your time in service, because I know that you've definitely tried to still maintain some of the disciplines of being a soldier, but you're kind of a woman in a different way these days.

Speaker 1: 16:35

But one final question I want you to speak to our listeners and viewers who may be pondering the idea of going into the military. What would you say to somebody who's considering enlisting and serving in a combat unit? I know that I can trust you that you're not going to try to glamorize it and make it into something that is really not in reality. Speak to those people who may be considering that. Tell them what you experienced, tell them what you saw, what you felt, what you even advised somebody who's on the other side of it now, who's come out of it relatively good my pops, he didn't come out of it relatively good, so he can't even speak to us now, but you can. You're here, so kind of. Speak to those people who may be thinking about enlisting and serving in the combat unit. What would you say to them? What kind of advice would you give?

Speaker 2: 17:24

It's, it's both glamorized and it is also, um, extremely difficult. Okay, it's uh, it's both rewarding, as it is traumatizing. It's, uh, it's all of it Right. And if you do actually get deployed and to put your the skills that you were trained and taught, uh, to use in an actual combat scenario, uh, it can be rough, but, on another end, is it rewarding Absolutely, it's both. Is it uh, difficult? And um, am I going to say that everyone comes out of it Perfect and squeaky, clean and awesome? And just this walking, uh, captain America hero? Absolutely not. Um, captain America hero? Absolutely not.

Speaker 2: 18:21

And even the guys that, quote-unquote, look that way on their social medias and all that some of the veterans that we've seen that are a little bit more well-known as far as their name because they have podcasts and all these kinds of things they openly talk about that. They still deal with struggles, of what they went through and the experiences that they've had. But it's the same kind of thing if you're a police officer, if you're a firefighter, if you're even an emt or any, any of those that are doing domestic goodness and serving and that's part of the whole idea of serving it's. It's not a waiter at applebee's, you're serving in a in a capacity. That is absolutely something that humanity needs when, uh, when it's unfortunately needed right. Paramedics come in and they go to an unfortunate scenario to hopefully make it better. Police officers show up on a scenario to hopefully make it better. Right. Firefighters come to hopefully make it better. Police officers show up on a scenario to hopefully make it better. Right. Firefighters come to hopefully put out the problem and make it better. Right. That's. That's the overall core.

Speaker 2: 19:28

Again, just like patriotism, we talk about what the core is. That's the core of what all of these jobs are meant to do. Will there be problems and potential things and impacts on us as people? Yes, and so we talk about PTSD. We do all these things. But just as you came in and you didn't fight a combat scenario by yourself, you didn't go fight a fire by yourself. Have backup and have their brothers in the blue that come and help each other out uh paramedics and emts and doctors and all of them, they don't work by themselves. Don't do life after those jobs by yourself. You know, in the military, when you exit dd214, that's a common uh form that just says, hey, it's the completion and the record of your service. It is not a license for you to do life alone the moment you leave. It doesn't mean now you're on your own. It just means you need to find a new group of guys, of ladies, of comrades, to circle around yourself and continue to do life as a group.

Speaker 1: 20:38

I want to come back to that too, but thank you for the transparency there and the perspective. Life as a group I want to come back to that too, but thank you for the transparency there and the perspective. I definitely appreciate that. Shaquille's in the house. Good chat, shaquille. Thanks for watching and listening. Appreciate you so much and for supporting the channel too. Definitely appreciate that as well. If you have any questions or comments for Nick, please drop them in a quick chat. Drop them in a live chat. Definitely. Questions or comments for Nick? Please drop them in a quick chat. Drop them in a live chat. Definitely appreciate that. And Nick, you're going to serve in many different ways. We talked about that a lot during our pre-interview chat what made you decide to start coaching and what brought about Valorant Vision.

Speaker 2: 21:11

So when I got out of the military, I myself struggled with who am I with um, who am I? Okay? I come with this idea that anybody that was in any kind of service military, fire, police, emt, doctors, right, you all, we all put on some sort of uniform, a coat, a jacket, boots, hat, something that says I do this. And when others look at they know I'm in the military or I'm in the, I'm a firefighter, I'm a police officer, I'm a whatever. In a subconscious way you put your identity on. Yeah, you wore it, and then it's time to take that off. And then now it's permanently taken off. It's like I don't put that on it and yeah, I didn't need the uniform to tell me who I am. But there's a level of who am I outside of the organization now that I'm not dressed in that?

Speaker 2: 22:12

and now I get to go to american eagle or wherever to buy clothes and all that kind of stuff. That was the whole deal. I'm not a stylist type dude. I'm not like, oh man, all about style. So I have no idea.

Speaker 1: 22:27

I know that's right.

Speaker 2: 22:29

She's like someday she's like, oh, that's a good job. And then other days she's like I don't know what you thinking.

Speaker 1: 22:36

Let her go to the store rather than go to American Eagle by yourself. This is let her go to the store rather than go to american eagle by yourself.

Speaker 2: 22:41

This is not. Yeah, no, we're going to be doing.

Speaker 2: 22:42

No, I um go with a friend that knows what they're what was, but but ultimately you lied in here yeah, and uh, a couple years later my wife and I were having our first son and he came out and then we got a house where we're outside of Philadelphia and Southern New Jersey here and, um, I said, you know, I have this feeling, I really want us to go to church with our children. You know, I want not just me, but I want another entity basically to help with morality for my children. Um, I don't want to be the only source. And then I know society is not doing the right thing and so we started going to church. And then that's when God really snatched me up, okay, and to the point where I felt the call later and I went, went to seminary through Liberty university and got a master's in theology and it's kind of redirected my course towards, you know, christian leadership.

Speaker 2: 23:50

I worked for a church for two years at a new church now as the men's director there, and so I've always had this belief that people can be better and I started really learning and understanding that I have kind of like a gift to be able to sit down, work with people, help them, motivate them, encourage them. Uh, let them know that, hey, it's okay, we mess up, we can, we can stand back up and we can move forward and we can still do better today, like let's do something today that tomorrow is going to thank us for, you know okay um, and so that's where coaching kind of came in.

Speaker 2: 24:29

I had another veteran, a friend of mine, that is a counselor in family life and marriage counselor and he's like, brother man, you, you sit down with people like like I've never seen you're. You, you sit down with people like like I've never seen, you're just really good with like connecting with people. Um, and I really attribute a lot of my upbringing and everything to having a lot of that Um, but God's just wired me that way and I just he's just promoted me for a couple of years. Amen.

Speaker 2: 24:55

I think coaching is a great direction for you because you're great at helping people recognize where they're at and moving them forward. And that's the biggest difference between coaching and counseling and therapy and all of that oh, you, betcha. Counseling therapy, all of that is looking backwards, at the issues and traumas and problems and maybe psychological issues or whatever that's holding you back from moving forward, psychological issues or whatever that's holding you back from moving forward. And once we get to a healthy place to go forward, that's where coaching comes in is hey, we're here, what are the goals, what are the action steps? Let's go forward, let's accomplish things, let's kick butt at life, you know.

Speaker 1: 25:35

I love it. I love it. There were a lot of things that we talked about, man. I want to try to get as much as possible, but we are up against the clock. We're going to move a little bit more expeditiously. I think some of this stuff is really really good. I don't want it to be left on the table. This is some really good stuff, especially for the brothers that are watching and listening today. I think they'll get a lot out of this.

Speaker 1: 25:57

We talked earlier about going through things and not learning anything. What would you say after returning from a long term of service? What would you say is the one thing that was the best for you to leave behind? Because sometimes we don't always have a good understanding of we move on and we don't realize that we're dragging a whole bunch of baggage with us too, and we don't have to let it go because it's like you said, it's a part of our identity. What was the one thing you could think of, if anything comes to mind, that was the best thing for you to leave behind you after you left service and moved into, I guess, the realm of the civilian? What was the best thing you left behind, or the one thing you had. That was the best for you to leave behind.

Speaker 2: 26:38

Okay, best thing to leave behind. I would probably really kind of go with. You need to analyze and go. What were healthy traits and habits and what are toxic ones? What were the coping mechanisms that are not going to help me move forward in my life and accomplish the goals that I need to do? And unfortunately, with the stressors of the military, sometimes we fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms. You know, which can be habits or even turn into addictions and those things get help. Make sure that you leave that behind, Let it go, and if you're doing any of those because of unforgiveness, we need to forgive. We need to forgive. That's good.

Speaker 1: 27:25

I like that. You talked about community and I feel like that's a really big part of your journey. It's definitely a big part of mine and you and I connected on that in our previous discussions. Did you think it was easy in hindsight to locate a positive community and to, I guess, really engage it fully? I know, as men just take the military part out of it, just the men part, we struggle. Men have a bad rap out here in the world. People don't realize what we deal with as a man, but one thing we struggle with is the willingness to connect with other men. Did you find it easy to locate a positive community? How did you? Did you engage that? Well, try to answer that briefly as much as you can. I got, I got more questions for you, but how'd you, how'd you handle finding that community? And then you know, engaging it fully?

Speaker 2: 28:22

Real quick answer is no, it was not easy. No, it's not easy. Um, it does take some effort because it's not like the military or any of these where you're just put into a circle of guys that are organic right. A lot of times in our adult life it's now your, your closest friends, are really who you work with because you see them so often. It's just, you know, friendship or community by proximity is really kind of how that works, and in all reality it's tough.

Speaker 2: 28:59

Now, thank the Lord in a certain way or to a degree, for social media and things like that, and I'm able to keep up with friends that have gone to many different states and are doing different things. And I'm able to keep up with friends that have gone to many different states and are doing different things, but it's kind of hard for my buddy that's sitting in Arizona for me to sit down and, you know, have a meal with him and a good chat. You know I miss that. There's something about human proximity of literally sitting in the same room together. That is much, much different than anything that is trying to supplement that.

Speaker 2: 29:34

Uh, and so really what's helped me honestly was where do healthy people or people that are trying to be healthy at least. Uh, cause, we're not all perfect right. Nobody's perfect Right. Where are they congregating? And for me, it just became kind of clearly for me, to grow in my faith, I need to be around other people that are growing in their faith too, and that has helped me tremendously with, you know, trying to be the best that I can be throughout my life. That's really good man.

Speaker 1: 29:58

I like that. Community is a big deal, excuse me, sir, big deal, excuse me, sir. And also the importance of family, especially in your specific situation. Uh, you can briefly share about your family life, but what I want to know, kind of more than that, is how specifically has your family been supportive of you? It's one, it's one thing. I don't want to use tv and cinema to kind of tell me how that looks. I, I got a real life person who has gone through hard things, especially in this time of service, and now you're on the other side of it. What, what? Uh, I'm trying to find the right way to answer, to ask this question how specific, is your family supportive of you? I don't mean in my family. I love them.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I, it's obvious. I mean, I mean, what are the? What do they have to do? What I mean it's obvious. I mean I mean, what are the? What do they have to do? What do they have to understand about what you dealt with? What kind of is it like? A? Is it that safeguards in place that they know? You know what dad is triggered by a thing. We need to help him here. We need to do this right away. Did that make sense, right?

Speaker 2: 30:57

If you can help me with that, please, it does. And I think that that was a struggle for my dad a little bit At first, when I was in the military. Of course, that's easy, right, he fully can identify gave me tips. Hey, man, this is what you need to do. This is how you need to approach the scenario. Things like that was definitely a mentor throughout my military time, but that was it.

Speaker 2: 31:21

And then after that, when it started going into seminary, going to everything else, my dad was like what, um? Now, he wasn't against it, but he just didn't know. He's like this is not an area I can mentor you through. This is something I can just say I support you, I love you, I'm proud of you for following the calling on your life, um, and that's. I'm proud of you for following the calling on your life, and that's it. You know there's that. I'm here for you. And if you want to talk about something and I would say it's gotten to a point now with you know, having a degree in theology and all of that Now my parents even actually start coming to me about with religious questions and growing in their relationship with god and all that kind of stuff, and at a point I got to baptize my own mom, and so that's amazing. It is really cool that's really cool.

Speaker 2: 32:15

so, um, it's just that love and support you know really, of just being there for you and you know that's it.

Speaker 1: 32:24

Okay, no, no worries there. You mentioned something called brain health coaching. Can you briefly get into that? What is brain health coaching and how does this apply to what you're doing?

Speaker 2: 32:35

Yeah, so I'm still in the middle of that class right now as I'm growing in it. It's a Dr Amen. He has brain health clinics actually across the United States. I know there's one in Miami, there's one in New York, I think there's one in Denver, there's a handful of them and he's the one teaching this course and it really kind of goes into the actual health of the organ of our brain, like the actual organ itself.

Speaker 2: 33:03

Right, we can talk about, you know, positive thinking and affirmations and all these kinds of things, and he's shown through brain scans that actually those do have physical good properties to the organ that is our brain. And then how to and we can actually heal from physical trauma that has happened, Like if you've ever had a head injury, hurt yourself in sports, any of those kinds of things really big on like hey, those things can heal through different types of therapy lifestyle, diet, exercise, supplements. He's really big on omega threes. He's really big on omega-3s. Omega-3s are huge for our brain and they can really help with some personality issues and things like that Definitely really goes into a lot of ADD and how to really help with how those work.

Speaker 1: 33:57

Okay, I love this All right. So one thing that is another. I guess it'd be my last men's issue type question thing. That is another uh, I guess it'd be my last men's issue type question, and that is about the, the destructive power of isolation, if you will. Oh yeah, I know I'm asking you to be brief because I got a few more questions for you and the clock is against us. But what would you say to somebody who has become real comfortable being in isolation? If they're listening and watching right now, what would you say to them to encourage them to find a different path, if you will?

Speaker 2: 34:36

We have two words we have isolation and we have solitude right. And what is the difference?

Speaker 2: 34:42

And we need to make sure that we define those two well, so then we can identify the behavior in which we're doing. If we are isolating, we are running from fear, we are running from trauma, we're running from anxiety, we're running from whatever it is that makes us uncomfortable and we think that being by ourselves makes us comfortable. In all reality, it allows more for our own negative thoughts to start trying to take over, even more so, and then we keep running and more isolation, and it just becomes an ugly cycle. There's no real purpose other than just seeking comfort when there really is not much comfort to be had in that there really is not much comfort to be had in that.

Speaker 2: 35:24

But in reverse, we're scared to come out and talk to people about and we think that we're alone in whatever. The problem is that we're going into isolation over Solitude is healthy. That's where you're going in to a time of your of alone with a purpose. You're going to sit in the presence of God. You're going to reflect on how you are and what's going on in your life. You're reflecting on how your behavior is towards situations that have gone on, positive and negative. You're trying to seek wisdom. You're trying to seek clarity in a situation. You're trying to come to a point where it's like there's purpose driven in solitude, and so nothing wrong with being alone. But why are we running or are we seeking and that's the biggest difference right there? And if we are running, run to somebody, I'm telling you, more people can identify with the problems you're dealing with then you know, seek help and people actually care. If you actually bring it up. The fact that you don't bring it up and you just think people don't care, that's what's hurting you that's powerful.

Speaker 1: 36:41

Yeah, that's powerful. We talked, talked about that a little bit because I think some of your story it just resonated and maybe just bring up some good and some not so good memories about his life and his health, post-military. Now that you're on the other side of things, are there any opportunities for veterans now that you see you could advise or want or speak to now?

Speaker 2: 37:09

Opportunities for veterans. I mean, one of the biggest things I promote is absolutely I know it's painful, I know it's annoying and I know it's tedious and you have to have patience, which veterans dealing with PTSD don't have, because that's one of the symptoms of PTSD is a lack of patience. Go to the VA and get your stuff. You know you have to dig, you have to understand what benefits do you qualify for and go after them and get them. Does it take maybe six months to a year to get it, or even longer in some cases? Yes, but those are for life. So that year to two years is a blip on the map when it comes to the rest of your life. Do not negate those things, because really all you're doing is just hurting yourself.

Speaker 2: 37:54

Number two get help if you need it, in whatever area it is, or maybe it's just simple enough as get in community. We have plenty of organizations out there and groups and I see so many guys on different platforms like TikTok and Instagram and all these different things that are also building smaller communities for veterans to come and check in with each other. Help each other. Maybe it's even just just have a regular conversation about what's going on in the day or talk about sports and talk about how the giants are doing, cause I know you're a big fan. I can see it in the background. Oh, don't go there.

Speaker 1: 38:36

We don't have time. We don't have time for that.

Speaker 2: 38:39

No, but it's one of those things like getting a, getting a group where a bunch of guys if you're a sports guy, go talk with other sports guys but then when the conversation of sports is kind of drying down, go hey, man, you know I'm actually not doing too good in my life. And one of the other things is, you know, just turn around, say you know what I got areas I struggle to and you just start opening up a conversation. That can be absolutely healing.

Speaker 1: 39:08

I love that. Well, we're about out of time. Now I want to ask you one final question, and I have you all, the listeners and viewers. No way you can find all of your work in your coaching, in your website and such. I put you in advance because this is always a tough question for folks In the military what is Nick doing today?

Speaker 2: 39:32

What is Nick doing today?

Speaker 1: 39:35

No military no B&B coaching. What are you doing as a career, as a long-term plan? What are you doing? A career as a long-term plan? What are you doing?

Speaker 2: 39:47

What I'm doing is one. I'm just following where the Lord is leading me.

Speaker 1: 39:54

You ain't getting out of it that easy Buster. I know I need to have a career. Come on man.

Speaker 2: 40:03

It's tough man, but it's got to be where I'm helping people. Maybe it's where I would go into full-blown counseling, or I would instead of being in the military. I would have been a police officer or a firefighter, but I want to help people.

Speaker 2: 40:21

I want to help people. I want to make sure that people are taken care of. You know, I want to help people. I want to make sure that people are taken care of and I and I want to infuse the belief into people that you can rise out of whatever terrible situation or or funk that you think you're in that's awesome, man, and I'll be.

Speaker 1: 40:38

I'll be honest. No, I I host a lot of people, but this was a pleasure to meet you, man, and get to know you. I know we're going to stay in touch for several reasons that we talked about online, but, yeah, I'm excited about people hearing more of your story and engaging with valor and vision coaching man.

Speaker 2: 40:53

Tell me about where you can find your work at man, and we'll go ahead and sign off then after that yeah, so valor vision coachingcom uh, right there I have the links for all my other stuff on TikTok, instagram and all of those socials as well, and we can do one on one coaching. I have a group of community of men called Men of Valor. You can be a part of there. It's we check in once a week and on top of it, we start working on what are the goals that we need to go after and making steps to accomplish those and holding each other accountable and just uh, and being positive and believing that we can win at life, and so, um, I love it. I wish I could join that group.

Speaker 1: 41:33

that'd be great you can, you absolutely can come on, all right. So we we're talking about offline. I want to go ahead and sign off, but thank you, nick, for this time. Brother, this was, this was fantastic.

Speaker 2: 41:41

Thank you, mr Yu. I'm excited, thank you.

Speaker 1: 41:45

Hope everybody heard your story and, if not, engaged you offline and hear more of your story, could definitely be more story to be told, but this was fantastic, man. Thanks to everybody listening and viewing today. Hope you're having a great day and you enjoyed this episode. Please share it and please sub us on our YouTube channel youtubecom they call me Mr U. Please hit the sub button. It'll help us out a lot with putting out more quality content like this. So we thank you very much. Have a great day, guys. Nick and Mr U are out. We'll see you next time.