Aaron Gambel - "Turning Pain Into Purpose - Stories of Surviving Divorce, Suicide, and Abandonment"

What happens when generations of men are taught to suppress their emotions? Aaron Gambel knows firsthand. After a childhood marked by trauma and neglect, he built a successful 15-year career in Hollywood—using the high-stress environment to stay in "survival mode" rather than confronting deeper issues. Until it all came crashing down.

Five days before his 43rd birthday, Aaron found himself holding a bottle of pills, contemplating ending it all. The image of his children playing downstairs saved his life and launched him on a journey of profound transformation. His "mental health college experience"—30 days in treatment—gave him tools that would not only heal himself but also help other men struggling with emotional disconnection.

Aaron's story illuminates a silent crisis: suicide is now the second leading cause of death for men under 45. The root cause? Generations of men raised by war veterans, taught never to speak about their experiences or emotions. "You can't open up emotionally, you're not truly connecting with another human being," Aaron explains. This epidemic of loneliness is literally killing men.

Through his men's groups and life coaching, Aaron now helps others break these destructive patterns. He shares powerful insights about fatherhood, co-parenting after divorce, and the importance of modeling emotional intelligence for the next generation. His practical approach combines meditation, breathwork, and physical movement to help men "get out of their heads and into their hearts."

Aaron's vulnerability offers a roadmap for other men seeking authentic connection. Discover how creating safe spaces for brotherhood can transform lives, break generational trauma, and perhaps even save lives. Visit aarongambel.com to learn more about his work with men and fathers.

• Growing up with childhood trauma and neglect shaped Aaron's understanding of parenting and relationships
• Working in the film industry for 15 years kept Aaron in "survival mode" but ultimately distracted him from addressing deeper issues
• Men struggle with emotional presence because they're conditioned to "fix" rather than feel
• The alarming statistic that suicide is the second leading cause of death for men under 45
• How generational trauma creates patterns of emotional disconnection among men
• The power of brotherhood and men's groups in creating safe spaces for connection
• Aaron's mental breakdown and 30-day "mental health college experience" transformed his approach to life

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

welcome back to one-on-one with mr you. Of course, I'm your host, mr U In studio with us today, aaron Gamble, life coach, men's group facilitator and former actor as well. This guy got a lot of layers to him, man. So good to have you in the house, aaron. How are you man?

Speaker 2: 0:52

So good, so good. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 0:55

Oh man, it's my pleasure. Man, I'm excited to hear the heavy story get heard by somebody other than myself. So, all listeners and viewers, if you're watching us right now, listening online social media, our YouTube channel, however, you're hearing us. If you've got a question for Aaron or myself, drop it in the live chat. I have him answer it personally while he's here with us. So any questions or thoughts, drop them in the chat and we'll get into it. But good to have you here, man. So many awesome things I learned about you through our pre-interview chat. Hopefully and I always have to say hopefully, because it never works out quite the way I wanted to, but I wanted to get into some of the details about this man, but, as customary, I always ask all about Jess. First question out of the box what's a brand like your childhood? Tell me about young Aaron and his youth.

Speaker 2: 1:40

Oh, my childhood was full of basketball, basketball, basketball.

Speaker 1: 1:46

Basketball.

Speaker 2: 1:47

On the outside. On the inside, if I'm going to be very honest and open I've talked about this quite a bit is I grew up in a very 80s and 90s style childhood of a lot of trauma and neglect. To be honest, I've done a lot of work in processing that and understand that. You know my parents were doing the best that they could with what they had and it wasn't a lot.

Speaker 1: 2:16

When you say neglect, are we talking about being a latchkey kid like myself, or are we talking about something a little deeper than that?

Speaker 2: 2:23

All of that Latchkey kid. Yes, of course I also was a red-headed stepchild, so all the things that came with that. You know I had a stepmom. That wasn't the nicest to me growing up.

Speaker 1: 2:43

A male Cinderella story. Is that what we're doing right now? That's who this is.

Speaker 2: 2:48

It's my life, that's.

Speaker 1: 2:49

I'm just speaking the truth. You didn't do it, brother. Share it, man. I want to hear it.

Speaker 2: 2:56

You know it's I had a pretty rough upbringing. I didn't have the best parental models growing up and if I'm going to be very honest with you some of my friends I'm very grateful for them because you know they opened their house up for me and I was able to see how they grew up and the love and the care and the you know the intention that their parents put into. So that actually informs me now, as in my parenting, actually informs me now as as in my parenting. And you know I have two, two young kids that are that are eight and ten years old.

Speaker 2: 3:29

And I heard this amazing quote that I think it was matthew mcconaughey was talking about how he grew up and how his mom grew up in in doing a podcast interview about, uh, his book that he had coming out and he said, know, his mom didn't really have good models either, but she knew exactly what not to do. And I kind of take that myself. It's like I don't. I don't have great models. I have some you know my friends, parents, things like that but I know what not to do and I and I know what, what I experienced, and I know how to not replicate that for my kids.

Speaker 1: 4:04

That's pretty deep, man. I mean, I have somewhat of a similar story. I hesitate to use the word neglect because mom she did all that she can do two jobs and going to school. She was holding it down, so I can't say that, but I was definitely a latchkey kid. At the same time, there were things in my upbringing that I didn't learn, that I'm trying to walk out now. For example, marriage. Next year is going to be our 30th wedding anniversary. I didn't have a model for that anywhere ever at any point in time, besides the Huxtables on the Cosby Show. That was my model for what a marriage looks like, not even friends, household. None of us had that kind of example. But I'm still walking out, you know, I guess, what not to do, like, like he said.

Speaker 1: 4:49

So that's profound, man, that's. That's great that you have a understanding of that. Now, at this stage of your life, after going through all of that trauma, you're able to kind of flip it, man. So I commend you for that. Man. I love this man, I love this. So you do a lot of things right now and oh, thank you, sir, you do a lot of stuff, man I I want to talk a little bit about. It's probably gonna be the thing to be talking about the lease, so I want to get it out of the way. You were a former actor out there in hollywood. You know holding it down.

Speaker 2: 5:18

Tell us about that yeah, well, go ahead, go ahead. I'm so sorry, I gotta correct, no you wasn't an actor. I worked. I worked as a camera operator you said that.

Speaker 1: 5:27

You said that. You said though. I'm sorry you just said that, so, former actor, erase that, I'm not gonna edit it out. It's a faux pas on my part, my bad, but you were. You were in film work, so I do remember that part. And you talked a lot about in our pre-interview chat about your ability to kind of live in the world of make-believe. I think that's powerful. If you were an actor, I'm sure you can relate to that as well. But talk to me about your time in film, what you learned about you in the process and the industry, and then the whole make-believe deal that we talked about in our pre-interview chat. Go ahead and get into it brother.

Speaker 2: 6:02

Yeah Well, I have some pretty phenomenal stories. I've spent 15 years working in the film industry and I worked on everything from big movies to TV shows, commercials some of the stuff that you've seen every day.

Speaker 1: 6:14

I worked on every part of it.

Speaker 2: 6:16

And it's an interesting world, you know, I left it because I felt like it wasn't serving me in the most positive, positive way. I realized that I have a particular purpose in this life and and to get real deep in and sort of meta about it, you know it was a part of my distraction, like I was, you know, distracting myself from my own personal problems by, you know, working in an industry that that you work as hard as you possibly can. The average day in, you know, in the Hollywood or, you know, in a movie, is 14 to 16 hours a day. Wow, they schedule it for 12 hours. So, you know, one of the biggest distractions that people can actually do, aside from alcohol and drugs or whatever it may be, is being a workaholic and the film industry kind of breeds that sort of energy, breeds, that that sort of energy.

Speaker 2: 7:29

Um, so, you know, as I become a parent, I kind of realized like this isn't actually serving me anymore, like who's actually raising my kids? Because it's not me. I'm getting up at 5 am before they're, before my kids are awake, to go to work, and coming home at 11, 12, 12 o'clock at night, you know, after they're asleep. So I just as much as there is amazing experiences and I got to see the world and I've got to see amazing places, you know, around the country it also, you know, was a part of that distraction from actually facing some of the, the, the traumas and and the issues that I had going on in my life.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Wow, Wow. Would you say that I always ask it for somebody who's been in an industry like this, had a couple of guests that I've asked is do you feel like and this is you know, this is purely subjective, I get it Do you feel as though you could survive in that world and still do the kind of thing that you talk about doing, that that are purposeful, and do you feel like it's just totally anti all you were trying to accomplish or is there a way to manage it? Just kind of curious about that.

Speaker 2: 8:39

My own personal question in the in the way that I want, in the way that I want to live my life. I don't think I can do that anymore and that's the reason why I left the film industry. The film industry kind of operates on this fear and anxiety and I think the reason why I got into the film industry, or one of the implicit reasons that I got into the film industry, is that because of the way that I grew up, I'm very comfortable in survival mode.

Speaker 2: 9:07

I can drop into action, you know, at the drop of a dime, because I understand what it feels like to not feel safe and to go into protection mode.

Speaker 2: 9:19

If I made a different choice and became like a soldier or got into the military, I would have been a phenomenal soldier. Just to have that skill of you know do or die and fully stepping into in the fight or flight kind of idea. Stepping into fight and getting ultra focused and getting things done and in the film industry that's how it's operated done and in the film industry that's how it's operated. I mean, you're spending thousands of dollars per minute to be in a location with these high paid actors that have to get all these lines done and all these scenes filmed in a short amount of time. It creates a militaristic precision that needs to happen and I thrived in that environment. I also understood how much that wasn't safe for me to be in and I would take that sort of that energy into my home life and it was kind of a nervous system blaster that I now realize I'm very comfortable in. But it's not safe and healthy for me, for my body, for my mental health, for my kids, my family, for the people around me.

Speaker 1: 10:29

Amazing courage to do that. When you say it's not, let me try to rephrase my question a little bit. In my head it sounds great, but let me make sure it sounds good out here. So when you're talking about that kind of that rush or that, uh, that that that drive to do what the actors are doing translate into your household, is that kind of like, you kind of like, does it mean you're kind of pushing through things in your life that you should be slowing down to enjoy, whether it be time with your family, kind of just pushing through, trying to get it done, almost like a checklist? Is that what you were describing, or am I missing it?

Speaker 2: 11:07

Yeah, yeah, definitely. That's exactly what it is.

Speaker 2: 11:11

It's not able to slow down, not able to enjoy the moment I'm still having this sort of adrenaline rush that happens with operating for 12, 14 hours a day, monday through Friday. Then you get to the weekend and you still have that energy where you're still kind of pumped up and even a good night's sleep isn't really calming that down and to be able to, at least for me I can't speak for everyone, that's just my own personal experience. I had a lot of really hard time like getting out of that mode and you know so. So between that kind of feeling and then not being around when my kids are growing up, it was a very clear decision to me that that this isn't the right, right path.

Speaker 1: 12:05

And I need to find more purpose and do something that aligns more with my own integrity. That's really the smartest sense. We talked a little bit in our pre-interview about kind of being emotionally present. I'm doing a lot more work surrounding men's men issues. I'm going to be doing a lot more roundtables. Potentially you can be a part of those too, but what I'm what I heard is that you know there's a big challenge for you as a man specifically, uh, being emotionally present. Can you speak to that a little bit more? Can you flesh it out what that means for all of our male listeners and viewers?

Speaker 2: 12:36

Yes, of course. Um, you know, as men, we have a tendency to fix. It's in our DNA. We are fixers. We've got a problem? We're going to fix it. The faucet is leaking All right, let me get my tools. We're going to fix it right. We take that same mentality into our emotions and it's put our emotions aside and fix whatever the issue is and fix whatever the issue is. And so what I teach a lot in what I talk about a lot in my men's groups is how what we need to do as men is to get out of our heads, get out of that fix it mode and step into our hearts and be present and feel. And you know, I think this is a bit of a generalization, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it is that the big difference between men and women is that men have a hard time feeling and just listening without having to fix, and women just want to feel and you know it kind of goes to that book of like men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Speaker 2: 13:41

And I believe that I believe that we, you know we, we can fix all the problems, but really sometimes what we need to do is to just listen and feel what the problem is.

Speaker 1: 13:54

OK, you mentioned your men's groups, and that's something I definitely I'm a strong advocate of, especially in these times. How do you help somebody who hears what you're saying? We need to learn how to feel. And they're like man, that sounds like babble. I don't know how to do that. How do you help, or how have you helped, someone on the road to feeling, if you will?

Speaker 2: 14:20

That is a great question and I could, to be honest with you I'm not sure how to answer that Most of the people think just really just understanding and really putting intention into that simple idea that I explained earlier of get out of our heads and into our hearts. You know, that's just a real simple you can, you know, think about how your intention is in your head and really like walking your, your conscious, your mind, into down your throat, into your neck and getting into into your chest. And when, once you really put the intention into into your chest, you're gonna feel something different. There's a different presence there.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Okay, do you know? Well, let's pivot a little bit then, based on your answer. On that one, Are you able to share any testimonials? Of course, privacy needs to be confidentiality and everything. Can you describe any stories where people explained in your group that already came in ready to be that open? Can you share how they got to that place because of what they share with you? How did they get to the point where they're ready to be open? What would they want? To choose specific components that help them get to that place where they can be a contributor in your group? Can they already be open?

Speaker 2: 15:52

Yeah, yes, you know. First of all it's safety understanding that you're in a safe space, that this is a safe space to share. And that's something that I have. It's kind of a superpower of mine of being able to sit with somebody, have a conversation with them and they feel seen and heard and they feel safe to open up and start actually talking. So safety is the number one. Number two I'm a big advocate of meditation, even if it's just a small little intentional, closing your eyes and thinking about where you are in the space, the seat that you're sitting in, the weight of your feet on the ground. A third one is breath. Big advocate of breath work and intentional breath. Really, you know feeling what that feels like to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth and all of these, these things kind of lead into sort of dropping into this space of being open to to express breathing in particular.

Speaker 2: 16:53

I think we are men. Men are, we're very physical beings. Moving our bodies is important. Um, you know, I I think a big way to move through emotions is to get out and move your body, whether it's a run or a walk or doing some pushups or anything. It helps us to get those endorphins moving in our bodies, which then leads to, you know, hormones moving around in your brain and get you to that space, to where you can actually like, like be present in the moment okay, I love this.

Speaker 1: 17:29

We got, uh, several more things to get into and I'm looking at the clock I'm like, okay, let's get it along. But you talked a lot about brotherhood and and the importance of men's circles, but people who are listening who are not men I don't want you to blank out on this, but I think it's going to still be important, especially if there's a man in your life in any way, whether it be a brother, a son, a father or a husband. There's an importance to this. But I want you to kind of share about why you think brotherhood is so important, why you consider it the missing link, if you will and the power of men.

Speaker 2: 18:09

So kind of talk to us about that a little bit. Yeah, I think we are actually in an epidemic right now of low okay, uh, I did, uh I did a lot of studying on this and I I've, I've, uh, I'm in the process of writing a speech, uh that that hopefully I can get on ted talk, and in doing the research on this, I found a staggering statistic that really kind of blew me away as of 2022, the second leading cause of death for men 45 and under is suicide. That's the second leading cause of death and I think Repeat that for me again Repeat that again.

Speaker 2: 18:40

Aaron, sorry me to change that again, so I repeat that again as of 2022, the second leading cause of death is suicide for men under 45 years old and under. Wow, the first cause of death is unintentional injury, and unintentional injury means that you could walk outside and get hit by a car. Something could fall out of the sky and hit you, you could fall and crack your head. You could do a million things. Would be the reason why you died would be unintentional injury, and that's right here, and suicide is right there. So when I heard that statistic, it really sat with me and I couldn't understand why this is such a big thing and it really got me thinking of what is happening with men in this day and age, and loneliness is a, you know, a have. I think it comes down to a generation of, like our generation. We're very much in that latchkey, latchkey, kid generation.

Speaker 2: 19:51

We were raised by, you know, generations of men who were war veterans, who were raised by generations of men who were war veterans, who were also raised by war veterans, who were all taught to never talk about the things that they experienced while they were at war. So the microcosm of that is to not talk about your emotions. And if you're not talking about your emotions and you don't have a way to really connect other than talking about the weather or the traffic, then that breeds loneliness. You know, you can't open up emotionally, you're not truly connecting with another human being. And I think that's where we're at today, and I think that's why men's books are so important to be able to teach these men, who were all taught not to express themselves emotionally, to be able to open up and actually talk about the things that are going on in their life, the troubles that they're having, the feelings that they're feeling.

Speaker 1: 21:35

That's powerful man. You walked away from a successful 15-year career in film. You went into coaching and fatherhood. Tell me the biggest challenge about being a dad man? I know it's a big joy for you for you because we talked about it in our just our pre-interview discussion but what's the biggest challenge for you to be a father, whether it be your, the current climate that we're in, maybe personal factors, what you learned or didn't learn as a child? Whatever you have, you want to go it, but what's your biggest challenge in being a father right now?

Speaker 2: 22:07

I have two of them. My biggest, my first, biggest challenge is not repeating the same, the same things that I experienced growing up. I'm a really big advocate of parental modeling and our subconscious minds are really interesting little beings and we we want to repeat the same things that we experience as children, subconsciously Like just you're, without even really thinking, you just slip into the same patterns that were taught to you as a child. So my biggest fear really is not repeating that generational trauma that I experienced and I do a lot of work on myself and I carry that into the work that I do with fathers and with other men.

Speaker 2: 22:53

The second thing I'm actually a co-parent. I'm divorced and I split my time with my kids 50-50. We have a great schedule. So, because I have two kids, one of the hardest things that I have, one of the biggest challenges that I have, is one-on-one time with each individual kid, because I'm only one parent and there's two of them. So feeling like they get equal time or being able to spend individual time together is my biggest challenge and I have to really be creative on how I make that happen.

Speaker 1: 23:37

Okay, no, that's powerful. You got two boys. You got a boy and a girl.

Speaker 2: 23:41

A boy and a girl, yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:43

All right, so that makes it even more challenging because you're not taking both of them out to go play football at the same time. Probably Exactly yeah, so that's a lot of work. Okay, you got to do daddy-daughter dances. This is okay. This is interesting. It is a challenge. I can respect that.

Speaker 2: 24:04

Any breakthroughs in how you handle it or you still, is it still a work in progress? It's always a work in progress. Uh, you know, like I get play dates, you know I'll get my son to go to go hang out with with his friends and that will give me, you know, daddy, daughter time, and I do the same thing with with my, you know, with my um, okay, with my son. Or, and you know, get my daughter to go do a play date and I get to spend one-on-one time with him. I work with their mom about, you know, getting get my daughter to go do a play date and I get to spend one-on-one time with him. I work with their mom about, you know, getting individual time to where, so she can get some one-on-one time with one kid. So we'll do, we'll do things like that, where mom will take, you know, take my daughter and go do something and me and my son will, you know, go play basketball or whatever, whatever it may be. So we try to make it work as best we can.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Okay, without getting into too many of the gory details, I'll leave that to you to share those. I don't want to be pushy, but we are. We're not talking about something that casual this is. We're talking about a divorce and the stories that we hear about divorces are not as as pretty. But in your estimation, in your estimation from what you've been seeing and the response from the kids and how you think they're adjusting how do you think the whole arrangement is going, everything you just laid out, do you feel like it's working? Do you feel like it's a good model to share and teach, because you're going to be talking about doing co-parent therapy and you got some programs you're thinking about coming out with. Do you feel like it's going well enough, enough effective results to share that with other people and say you know what this worked for us, pastor, it worked for you. How confident are you in that, in sharing that?

Speaker 2: 25:37

I'm very confident. You know, one of the big things that I share in my coaching is rewriting your story. We all have these stories that we tell ourselves and it could be, you know, that you're not enough or you're not loved, or you know, whatever the story is, and one of the stories that I would tell myself is that if I got a divorce, I was a failure, that I was failing as a husband and that I was failing as a father. And it took me a really long time to realize that two happy homes are far better than a toxic home, than one toxic home, and that was something that I had to really work on. And, you know, understanding that it was much better for us individually to to be a part has ripple effects on our kids. I mean, my kids are thriving now and we have a schedule for them.

Speaker 2: 26:41

We, we are very intentional in in how we parent and how I parent. You know, their mom lives a mile away and not far at all. Sweet, great schedule. So you know, I put a lot of intention into my parenting and how I model what a relationship is, how I model conversating, how I model kindness and compassion toward other people by doing Because I think that kids learn they're just watching all the time. You could tell a kid, hey, you have to be nice, but if you're turning around and being rude to somebody, that's what they're learning. Right, I have to embody what it means to be nice and to be kind, because they're watching and they're picking up on that subconsciously. So for me.

Speaker 2: 27:31

it's a lot of like in my parenting it's a lot of action and there's words, but not a lot of words. You know that, in terms of actions over words, I try to live that and I, I, really, I, I be, be the person that I want to teach I get you and the kids get two christmases, so bonus that's right, I got a funny go for it, brother, go for it.

Speaker 2: 28:01

Of course you can share it so one day, one day, I'm walking, walking home from school with my son, who at that time was eight years old and you know he's. It was just after Christmas and we're walking home and he asked me you know where Santa, if Santa gave any, any gifts to drop any gifts off at my house? And at the time he you know Santa had gone to his grandparents' house, where he was for Christmas, and I told him I said no, santa only drops presents off where you're at and he goes. So all the presents that are underneath your tree, where did they come from? And I said well, that's from your aunts and uncles and your grandparents. And he looked at me and he goes. So we have two Christmases.

Speaker 1: 28:45

Oh boy.

Speaker 2: 28:46

I said, well, yeah, sort of you kind of do. Then this is the one that killed me. He looked up at me and he goes Dad, divorce is awesome.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Don't print that T-shirt out just yet.

Speaker 2: 29:05

I couldn't help but laugh. But that's when I really realized that what we're doing is working. It's a much better environment for my kids, because when my son looks at it in that perspective like it's not so traumatic that a divorce happened it shows that he's really kind of thriving and that he's enjoying the spoils of having two households.

Speaker 1: 29:37

I don't even want to ask this next question because I think I'm going to kill the buzz, but I'm sorry, this is how I think. My apologies in advance. Your situation is great. I ain't trying to put a pipe bomb in it. It's not my intention, but life does happen and I always think about things that could happen. So to put a pipe bomb in it it's not my intention, but life does happen and I always think about things that could happen so I can prepare in ways for it.

Speaker 1: 29:57

Now, right now, to your son divorce is awesome because he's just bouncing between his mom and his dad. What happens when Aaron finds a potential spouse and they get closer? His mom gets a potential spouse and they decide to start going to the next level in their relationship. This gets a little bit more dicey because now it's two unknowns as opposed to two knowns that are rocking two Christmases for them. So this is working out well. So perhaps that wasn't a question, maybe more like a thought. But here's my question what would a potential spouse get from Aaron? With all the growing you're doing, all that you're learning about yourself? This is not. I'm not sponsored by Tinder or anything. Nobody's putting me in a dating space. But I'm just curious what do you say would be the top two or three things that a potential spouse would get? I don't know if they're watching or listening or not, I have no idea, but what would they get from Aaron, this new Aaron?

Speaker 2: 31:23

Well, to be honest, a lot went down with the decision to end my last marriage, so I'm very fascinated with communication. So probably the biggest thing that someone would get with me is conscious communication and a sense of safety in being able to talk about whatever things are coming up. My goal is to never have any resentments, because resentment is something that you're holding on to that you haven't been able to express and work out. So I want to create a space where, before there's even a resentment, anything that comes up, that we can sit down and talk about it and figure out what is going on. There could be something that I may be doing for that partner that I'm doing unconscious and I don't know that I'm doing it. That's triggering her in a certain way, and if we can talk about it, I can make a small micro adjustment that shifts away from that trigger so then it doesn't become a resentment, and to be able to have that open communication. I think that's like the gold for relationships.

Speaker 1: 32:31

No, I think so too. We're kind of up against it. So I got three more questions. I want to try to see if I can get in here. Let's go. I know we will start off with this and not get near the end of the show having to talk about this type of thing, but you shared a very vulnerable and raw personal story with me and you said you were open to share with our audience. I'd love for you to do that. I guess we can call it the mental health college experience. I don't know if that's, uh, how you want to describe it, but please share that story. I think people are listening and watching will get value from if you don't mind sharing that yeah, of course.

Speaker 2: 33:06

Um, well, all of this starts. First thing I'd like to say is that I'm just an ordinary guy who's gone through an extraordinary experience and I am comfortable sharing this story because I think that if somebody could hear this and it could change their mind of deciding whether or not they are in't, that they don't want to be in anymore. I hope that this would help. But essentially, I had a mental breakdown. Five days before my 43rd birthday. I had a fight with my now ex-wife, with my wife, and it was a normal argument, and something cracked inside of me and I walked up to my bedroom and I grabbed a bottle of Xanax and I counted about 25 pills inside and I thought to myself I could just drink all of these, down all of these and never wake up again. And as I was raising that bottle to my mouth, an image of my two young kids popped into my brain, laughing and playing uno downstairs in the living room, and that image literally saved my life, because I the next thought I had after that was that I wouldn't be able to see them grow up and they wouldn't have a father anymore to grow up with.

Speaker 2: 34:37

And the next thing that I had to do after that was make one of the biggest decisions that I've ever made as a man, and that was to check myself into the hospital. So I had a buddy Wow. I called a friend, had him pick me up. He drove me to UCLA Medical Center and I checked myself into the behavioral health unit of UCLA. I spent five days in there and then I spent 25 days in a residential treatment center, which most people think of. When they think of treatment center, they think of rehab and for some people it was rehab.

Speaker 2: 35:15

But for me, like you said in the title setting this up, I like to consider it my mental health college experience, because I learned more about psychology than I never knew prior to that. I truly believe I got nearly a master's in psychology and I leaned in. I woke up every morning and grab a notebook and a pen and walk down to this decrepit old old living room couch that served as our classroom, and for six days a week, every hour on the hour, from 9 am to 6 pm, we learned a new modality of psychology. I learned nearly every modality of psychology in that time. I can tell you more about CBT, act, dbt. I could tell you about schema.

Speaker 2: 36:00

We also learned about emotional regulation and gratitude and yoga and meditation and mindfulness, meditation and mindfulness and you know all of these things. They now serve as a tool belt that I use in my own emotional regulation, but they serve as tools that I take into the work I do with people, my clients, who I coach. You know able to. I think emotional regulation and awareness of of your yourself is is like the hugest step in in going on a personal journey being able to understand when you're feeling triggered or when you're feeling like you're following a story that you may be telling yourself. That may not necessarily be what's actually happening, but you're clicking into this track of what you know. You know it's all these tools that I've learned that I can help other people to be able to step out of that that thinking out of that story, to be able to rewrite your own story, and that's that's really what I do.

Speaker 1: 37:08

Okay, no, just thank you for sharing that story, man. That was awesome hearing it the first time. It's even more awesome now, um, for all you guys that are listening. Aaron definitely has a story and he has some insights. So if you find his story valuable, we'll show you a way to connect with him afterwards and you can kind of hear more of the story if you want to share more and perhaps you guys create a dialogue that'll be helpful to both of you. Uh, next to last question here, this may be a little difficult to kind of put into just one point, but if you're speaking to new dads or people who are soon to be dads, how do you help them prepare for fatherhood and kind of support and encourage their growth as men with the kind of group that you have available, how do you do that? With we just just once, one single point, that or piece of advice that you'd give to them, you'll be able to do both yeah, um, I'll make it really quick and easy.

Speaker 2: 38:12

It's not as scary as you think it may be. There's a lot of fear that leads to a father. There's a lot of fear that comes up, and I think the other thing to say is and one of the biggest points that I make in what I do and what I teach in my fatherhood program is parental modeling is incredibly important. How you, how you show up as a dad or how you show up as a partner, directly relates to how your parents modeled for you and you're in in a. In a general sense, you're going to do one of two things You're going to unconsciously repeat those same patterns or you're going to do the opposite, based on how well you're aware of how you grew up, or trauma, or whatever it may be. So what I like to teach is helping people figure out how to communicate better through an understanding of how you grew up and how you show up in the world.

Speaker 1: 39:15

I love it, man, I love it. This has been fantastic, man. We are just about out of time, but, as customary with all of my guests, I want to ask this last question. And they got to go deep into the archives to get it. I think I prepped you in advance. I don't normally do that, but in this case I had to make an exception. All right, so you're not doing anything in film, you're not life coaching. What is Aaron doing with his life? What's his vocation? What does he have his hands in as a career or a mission? He's not doing anything that he's done so far. Matter of fact, I should take psychology off the table too. Since you got an unofficial master's, I'm taking it off the table too. So you're not doing film work, you're not live coaching. You're not going into psychology. What's Aaron doing?

Speaker 2: 40:02

Honestly, probably a podcast host Hosting a podcast. I love conversations, man. I love getting into conversations with people. I love getting deep. I love conversations, man, I love I love getting into conversations with people. I love getting deep and it it it lights me up get into a conversation that makes somebody excited, figuring out what somebody else really likes and gets excited about and can be joyful and spreading kindness, like that's. That's me in an essence man. So I think really just just talking with people so what's waiting for?

Speaker 2: 40:38

we're doing it right now. It's starting now. This is me guest. Guest guesting on your show is the beginning of this I'm excited to see what's going to be the uh.

Speaker 1: 40:46

What's going to be, uh, the next step, the next phase of this, because I think you'd be fantastic at it. So, for all you guys that are listening and watching, first off, thank you for being a part of this conversation. The idea of pain and the purpose is not easy by any stretch of the imagination, so hopefully we didn't make too much light of it. But his story is amazing and I'd love for you to check out his website, wwwaarongamblecom. It's not Gamble spelled in the traditional way. It Aaron gamblecom. It's not gamble, so the traditional way is G A, m, b, e L. So it's not early, but it's E, l very important. Aaron gamblecom. You can get all of his information there. I'm sure Opportunity to join his men's groups may be available there as well, but definitely his story is going to be laid out there and you can contact him directly.

Speaker 1: 41:27

So, aaron, thank you for being a part of this conversation. It. So, aaron, thank you for being a part of this conversation. You've made our show better, what you shared, so thank you for doing that. I love the stories about masculinity and emotional mastery and stuff, and these are all things that we're going to be doing in our upcoming series on men and men's roundtables and stuff. So we'll be using that and perhaps connecting you and looping you into all of that stuff. But thank you, man. This has been great man. We definitely appreciate you having you on.

Speaker 2: 41:54

Thank you so much for having me. This was so great and I will come on your show and do a round table anytime Like this was such a great experience. And you know me, man, I love to talk, so let's go.

Speaker 1: 42:06

That's all good. I do too for introverts Weird, but it's a real thing. Thanks again for watching. Listen for all you guys that are following us on our YouTube channel specifically I am going to go into our YouTube channel with episode is in the comment section. He'll drop his website there. You can find him kind of easy If you're not going to the website directly, but all your vision to be there after the show and it's your following this to us on our social media platforms and we're out of here. Aaron and I are gone, but have a good day and thanks again for watching and listening to one-on-one with mr you.