Inspiration Station - "The Misunderstood Man"

This episode confronts the crisis of authentic manhood and offers three transformative questions every man needs to answer for breakthrough in his life.

• Men are often misunderstood and struggle with isolation, connection, and emotional communication
• John Eldridge's book "Wild at Heart" provides crucial insights into what men are truly searching for
• The three toughest questions men need to answer honestly:
 - Are you willing to stop doing "man stuff" and start being a man?
 - Are you willing to admit that you personally need other men in your life?
 - Is your family, community, and world worth your efforts to grow?
• True manhood isn't defined by activities like hunting or fishing but by character, growth, and living with purpose
• Men need community to heal and grow - isolation is where men are most vulnerable
• "All men die, but few men ever really live" - we must find our hearts again to truly fulfill our purpose

Join us for our new Men's Roundtable Series launching June 26th at 7:00 PM. This monthly discussion will create space for authentic conversation about the real challenges men face. Check our show notes for details or reach out via social media to become a panelist.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Tough Questions
• 3:11 The Misunderstood Man
• 8:15 Men's Struggle with Connection
• 14:21 Three Toughest Questions for Men
• 20:47 Wild at Heart Book Insights
• 28:29 Call to Join Men's Roundtable
• 31:21 Final Challenge and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:22

On this episode of the Inspiration Station, I'm going to ask you the three toughest questions I've ever asked myself or have ever been asked in my entire life. Second thing we're going to cover is I'm going to offer understanding to every single man watching this episode, watching this broadcast in this podcast, that's ever felt misunderstood, this broadcast in this podcast has ever felt misunderstood. And lastly, I'm going to attempt to uncover some secrets to the souls of men. I believe breakthrough is coming. Hopefully you'll make it to the end. Let's go. Thank you, welcome back to the All Purpose Pod for an all-purpose life. Wherever you are and however you're listening to the Inspiration Station and they call me Mr U. Thanks again for making us a part of your week. It has been a long time between Inspiration Stations and I know it. I can't apologize enough, but be lifin' and things will happen. We're still working in the podcast realm Episodes all over the platform. You can see them very easily. Check out the callmemrubuzzsproutcom. You can catch up on everything we've been doing, but there haven't been a lot of inspiration stations. I think one reason for that, excuse me, is I want to be intentional about those episodes. Normally I was doing three a week and I kind of just felt like I was getting burnt out, but I just want to make sure I was intentional with what I was putting out and not just doing it, just talking to have Content on a platform. So it's recent. This is not going anywhere. Anywhere we haven't left. We're just gonna just be a lot more intentional about what we put out and when we put it out. So stay tuned, this presentation is not going anywhere. We're still here. A lot of lively stuff happening On that front, a lot to discuss that we're going to be getting into. At the same time, we'll be intentional about how often we come out with new episodes of the Inspiration Station. Now, at the outset, I told you guys that I would offer three things at the end of this episode or before the end of this episode. One, I want to ask you the three toughest questions I've ever asked another man or asked myself or have been asked by anybody else. So if you're watching this and you're not a man, you can still tune in. If you're a wife or a mother or daughter, you have men in your life that matter to you, even a sister. You have men in your life that matter to you. This is valuable. Perhaps, if you're watching and they're not pour them towards it, direct them towards this episode. Help them to watch it. I think you're going to get something out of it. Second thing is I'm going to offer some understanding for a lot of the men like myself who felt misunderstood for years. People just didn't get us, didn understood for years, people just didn't get us. They didn't understand our method of operation, the way that we function, the way we think, the way we feel. I'm going to try to offer some understanding in that regard in a very short snapshot called the Inspiration Station. And the last thing is I'm going to try to uncover the secrets of a man's soul.

Speaker 1: 3:59

There is a book for a gentleman that I just love his work. I believe his book is instrumental or it's educational, but definitely instrumental for every man, no matter what level you are. I don't care if you are a young man, I don't care if you're in the middle ages of your life or you are a man that's kind of been through some things, or you're a man that's kind of been through some things. You got children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and now you kind of function almost as a sage or a source of wisdom for younger generations. Wherever you fall, this book is incredible. It's going to definitely be a life-changing opportunity for you if you decide to read it.

Speaker 1: 4:39

If you're not a reader, I suggest you break your habit just this once and read this book. It's called Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. I've talked about it many times on this podcast since probably five years ago. Still talking about it today that's how impactful it is. But Wild at Heart Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul. There are so many nuggets in this book and highlights so many things that we have experienced and have been experiencing and didn't even know why we were going through it. So I want to speak to the misunderstood man. Take out the book Wild at Heart Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul by John Eldridge.

Speaker 1: 5:16

Excuse me y'all, but I really feel as though, even though people may not agree, because, because look at the media or people in their personal life, maybe in their households, and they make value judgments about them, what they're worth, what they're doing and not doing, how they're contributing or not contributing, what they should be feeling, because you feel it. So why don't they feel it? Men in general are misunderstood and I'm saying that not because I'm a man, I want your sympathy or your pity. You can keep it. You don't need it. What I'm saying to you is that we as a whole are misunderstood. I'm not saying that, nobody else. I'm not saying that women are misunderstood, but we're not talking to them today. We're talking to men. Today, this is just about the men. Today there's another episode for women and we'll talk about how misunderstood women are, but today we're talking about men. I can speak to that because, again, I'm a man, so I can speak to those situations but we as a whole are misunderstood.

Speaker 1: 6:13

I really think it's arrogant for us to think that we understand somebody when we don't even understand ourselves fully or we're not really adept at telling people how we feel. We still struggle with connection. We still struggle with trying to find ourselves in community. I mean, a man can relate to this a lot. We can stand in a room full of people. It could be a mixer, it could be a networking event, it could just be a breakfast even on by our local community, our local veterans organization or even our local church, and we could be in a room full of people, 50 people in the room and we are not connecting at all. We're just there we can't name more than a couple of names of the people we met in that room. We'd be standing there for an hour or two and not be able to be able to say that. We'd know who we were talking to and name the names and where they're from and little details. We'd be in a room and not connect. I believe it's a problem that men experience and we're definitely going to deal with that in the days and weeks and months to come. But as a whole, I believe men are misunderstood. Shout out to all the wives and the mothers and the sisters and the daughters that make an effort to understand us, not assume based on what makes sense to them, but desire to put in the work to understand us, to be patient with us, to help us to grow without trying to grow us. You know it's kind of deep there. I don't want you to miss that part. Not try to grow us, but help encourage us to grow. It's a big difference.

Speaker 1: 7:56

I was recently at a retreat for men. I've done some before. I'm sure many of you that are watching probably have done that in some way, shape or form. I've done some before. I'm sure many of you that are watching probably have done that in some way, shape or form. You go hunting, you go fishing, you go kayaking or you just go to a place where you can just kind of retreat like a cabin, have a bonfire, make s'mores, whatever and just kind of just chill. Maybe you guys are reading a particular book like the Bible, or a book in your book. Club Retreats are happening all around the world all the time. Club retreats are happening all around the world all the time.

Speaker 1: 8:27

But this one was deeper for me because I really felt like I got something that I didn't really have before. I got a level of freedom, almost a green light, saying you know what? It's okay for you to live, it's okay for you to go forward and be who God says you are. I mean, humans on our own are really complex creatures. If we own that part, I think life as a whole would be better for us if we could own that part. But men have a specific and distinct set of complexities, if you will. Men have a specific and distinct set of complexities. There are things that we see that women don't see, the thing that we feel that women don't feel they don't get it, and it's okay. We're just different in that regard, and that's the way we are. But there are some areas that are challenges for us or things that are, I would say I wouldn't say flaws, for lack of a better word I would say there's areas that are challenging for us that we definitely need to try to work through rather than just accept that. You know what. This is how we are. I'm a man, so this is what I deal with.

Speaker 1: 9:36

It's something that we can't kind of leave to chance and we've got to kind of fight our way through some things. One of those things is the inability to connect. One of those things is the inability to connect. It's astounding to me that we can be in a room full of people which we always are, whether it be in our workplace, in and we can talk about our household, talk about our kids, talk about our dogs, but we still can't actually connect. We're talking and we're sharing information to a degree, we're communicating. It might be a low level of communication, it might be added with a grunt or a head nod, but we're not really connecting.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Another area that we have a challenge with is communicating emotions. We have a challenge with is communicating emotions. We have a challenge with doing that. It's not because we're weak, it's because we may not think that it's okay. We have been taught that it's not okay. Men have been taught it's not okay to cry. Men have been taught it's not okay to show your feelings and be vulnerable to anybody, much less another man. We've been taught to not exhibit weakness, because if you exhibit weakness, people will run all over you and take advantage of you.

Speaker 1: 10:53

We've been taught to not embrace community. Coming from New York City, I learned that it wasn't my mother's fault, it wasn't my father's fault, it was the environment, it was the atmosphere. I was taught to not embrace community because people might hurt you, people might take advantage of you, people might try to get over on you, how I used to say back in the day. We are taught as men sometimes to not embrace community, not to put our business out here in the street. Keep all that stuff to yourself, don't tell anybody about what you're dealing with. And one thing also that men deal with is fighting against isolation. We run into isolation so quickly, especially in these times, but it's detrimental. That place that we run to is the most detrimental place for us. We run into isolation when that place is a setup to destroy us, to limit us, to hinder us, to keep us bound in the stuff in our heads that is not as unique as you think it is.

Speaker 1: 11:52

You know why AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, in my opinion, is so awesome? Not because I'm a former alcoholic or anything. It's because one thing about it, and I'm not going into the whole program because I don't know how that works. So forgive me if I'm sounding kind of callous I don't mean to be, but one of the things I think one element of all this I think is awesome is that when you stand up and you share your story, it demystifies everything that the other person is dealing with. They're sitting in those shit around them, they hear similarities, they hear comparisons. They hear comparisons, they hear things that are like what they deal with, and it demystifies all they've been dealing with in isolation. They're like, wait a minute, tom and Bob are dealing with the same thing I'm dealing with.

Speaker 1: 12:39

I thought it was just me, I thought it was unique, I thought it was just happening to me and only me in this entire big world, and it exposes the lie. Thought it was just happening to me and only me in this entire big world, and it exposes the lie that it's only happening to you, that it's only your problem, it's only your thing. It's not. And men as a whole, we have a challenge with these kind of things that are just laid out Because we think that in isolation we just avoid all the potential hurt, all the potential embarrassment, all the potential embarrassment, all the potential shame and even the fear, and just stay in isolation. But it makes us like fish in a barrel. We're easy targets for things in life and we decide to stay in isolation. We need community. We get healed in community, we get help, we get nurtured in community and that's why we have to do that.

Speaker 1: 13:24

So one of the things that I asked was you know, I want to tell you about actually the three toughest questions I've ever been asked or asked anybody. I want to ask you those today. If you are listening and you are really taking this seriously hopefully you have a notepad and a piece of paper or a pen, index card, something, a sticky to write these questions down or go back and listen to them later and write them down. Here are the questions I want to ask you. I'm going to ask you again before this show is over, because we got to think about this and we got to deal with this stuff, or we're not going to go anywhere in life. You might be successful, you might have a status as a ceo, might be successful in the world of sports, but as it pertains to life and purpose, you may go to your end and not be successful in doing all that you were supposed to be doing because we refuse to deal with some of these questions. So here's three of them that I think were the toughest I've ever had to ask myself.

Speaker 1: 14:18

When you hear it it may grind you a little bit, but take heart. My hope here, my help, my motive here is to help you and not to hurt you. Number one are you willing to speak to yourself? Now? This is not about anybody else. Don't point to your dad or your son. I'm talking about you. Number one are you willing to stop doing man stuff and start being a man? I'm asking for those in the back. I hope you can hear me, me. Are you willing to stop doing man stuff and start being a man?

Speaker 1: 14:50

We got so many things that the world says makes us men. If you don't hunt or you don't fish or you don't know how to change a tire, you're not a man. So much of that stuff is built on people's insecurities. It doesn't come from anything scriptural. Number one doesn't come from anything any real solid carrot. They just come from a place of depletion and brokenness. That's where that stuff comes from. You can be a man and not know how to shoot. You can be a man and not know how to fish. It's good to know how to fish if you want to feed your family on that level, but it doesn't mean you're not a man if you don't know how to do it. You're willing to stop doing man stuff and start prioritizing being a man? I'm not saying stop hunting, stop fishing, stop camping. That's not what we're saying. I'm not saying stop changing the tire. What I'm saying is stop prioritizing that as the reason that makes you a man or validates you as being a man, because it's not. Those things don't make you a man. It just comes with a package. Are you willing to stop doing man stuff and start being a man?

Speaker 1: 15:57

Second question are you willing to admit that you personally need other men in your life? I might have lost somebody here, but I hope you're still with me, hope you didn't leave. Are you willing to admit to yourself that you personally need other men in your life. I can almost guarantee you that your wife, no matter how long you've been married, she's probably going to be more than happy to send you along with other men to go do stuff. Maybe because you're frustrating her by just being in the house all the time, but she's doing it also probably because she recognizes that you have needs as men.

Speaker 1: 16:33

We need to be around other men, and maybe it's tribal, maybe it's communal, but we need to be around other men. It helps us. We grow, we learn, we get insights from other men. We learn, we get insights from other men. We get comfort from other men. But the men that stay in isolation and decide you know what I don't want to be a part of that community. I don't want to open up like that. I don't want to be exposed and vulnerable like that. We lose something in that exchange. We die a little bit in that exchange. Are you willing to admit that you personally need other men in your life? It's a tough question. I understand that. Think about it. Last tough question for you. We'll move on. Is your family, your community and your world at large worth your efforts to grow? We talk about as men, that we love our families, we love our kids, we love this and we love that Question that if you don't want to grow because if you don't grow, then that means that you're dying You're going in the opposite direction. How is that good for your family, how is that good for your community? How is that good for your world, when you're not here to fulfill the purpose that you're supposed to be fulfilling? Is your family, is your community, is your world worth the effort to grow? I'm going to come back and answer the three questions again before we close out, but we got to think about this. This is not a joke. This is not a game. This is really serious. Case in point on Thursday night June 26th I think it is on June 26th, thursday night at 7 o'clock pm, we're launching a brand new podcast. I promised myself I wouldn't do any more podcasts, but this one was so big and so important I had to do it. So for all of you that are watching and you're intrigued by that at all, I'd love for your support to be given to this effort. I think it's worth it for you, for me and for us. But we're starting a men's roundtable series. It's going to be every month, not at the same time, so you got to stay tuned. We got panelists from all across the country and even panelists even stretching out into the rest of the world, globally. So this is almost a global effort. Almost Right now we're just national. We're going out into the global realm. I think soon, before you know it, we're going to have sessions in the mornings, recorded on broadcasts, on podcasts, and we're going to have afternoons and we're going to have evenings, like on Thursday on June 26th. So it's going to be different times, but the whole point of this is to save space for men to talk about issues that are germane to men. We're not trying to exclude anybody, but if you are a man, I don't care if you're an American man, but if you are a man born as a man, you have some value to this conversation, you are able to speak to this conversation. And their hurts and the insecurities and the things that go with what it means to be a man in this world, all the cues from media and all the things that we hear in our house, or maybe parents who didn't have the best upbringing and what they put on top of us, what they put on our shoulders, the burden they put on top of us because of what they didn't have. There's so many things that we did with shame, fear, embarrassment, greed, confusion and judgment and self-loathing and unforgiveness. Men do so many things and then, on top of the responsibility that we have to lead our families and lead ourselves well and sometimes lead other men, other people their responsibilities are great. So this podcast series is designed to talk about those things. It's going to be a safe space. It's going to be an open space. We're going to be talking about it on the podcast. It'll be broadcast for the world to see. We're going to get into some deep conversations and we got some men that are cool with being panelists. If you want to do that, check out our show notes for the Men's Roundtable series. All the information is there. If you don't see it there, hit me up privately or via social media. I'll send you all the information so you can be a part of a future broadcast of the men's roundtable discussion. But the whole point of this is that we want to try to restart, reshape the culture. We've been told to shape the culture so many times that sometimes it gets kind of bland. We don't really see it. So right now, a lot of men are just aping the culture. They're not shaping the culture. I'll say it again for those in the back A lot of men are just aping the culture. They're not shaping the culture. They're just mimicking what they see and thinking that they can grunt and stomp their way through this and think it's all good, think they're fulfilling their responsibility as a man. But there's so much more to it. To shape the culture means there's an obligation, there's a responsibility, there's a to-do list of what we have to do on ourselves, number one, before we even begin to start stepping out into the world and trying to change that. One thing that's a motto on our show and on our brand of shows is that we want to be your weekly mirror. Check before you go, change the world. If you don't check you first and lead you first, you can't help anybody else. How does the empty vessel pour out into somebody else, into their cups of need? You're empty. You can't do it. There's just so many things that we need to learn. No-transcript the community to the organization, to the world at large that's around us, instead of just taking and taking and not offering anything. Those three questions are tough. We're going to get back to it. If you feel misunderstood, there's a reason why you feel misunderstood because people around you don't understand you and unfortunately, we have a reputation for not being the gender that communicates, the gender that connects, the gender that shares and has transparency. We don't really do that and many of us you know my wife did transparency. We don't really do that and many of us say you know what, my wife did that, but I can't do that Argument for another day. I feel like, to some degree, we need to. I used to think I could live on being an introvert and make that my model, but that's just an excuse. Honestly, this show that we're doing on June 26th is an excuse remover. It's time for us as men to step up. We can't fake our way through life all the time. We can't pick only the battles that we're sure to win. We've lost our sense of adventure and now we're choosing a couch over a wilderness. Choosing a couch over a wilderness. We're choosing a can over living water. We're dying inside in a cubicle, but really we want to try to find our hearts again and there is just something about the misunderstood man that touches me in a deep place because of what I've gone through. But I want you to understand that everybody around you may not understand, but there's several people who understand what you're dealing with, who are willing to do something about it. We're offering that with this roundtable series. I'm offering that with this episode of the Inspiration Station today. There are some quotes I love from John Eldridge's book and we'll use this before we get into the final part of our episode today. But here's some quotes that I want to kind of share with you guys to kind of get you to think I mean, first of all, if it makes you want to buy the book bonus. But what I want to do is kind of share these thoughts so you get an idea of where this is going, where the Roundtable discussion is going, where this episode is going, where these constant conversations we're going to be having about men and men's souls and getting free from some stuff is going. Here's one quote Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. I've got stories on that, but we don't have time. Different day, different time. The most dangerous man on earth is the man who has reckoned with his own death. All men die, but few men ever really live. My God, that's powerful. All men die, but few men ever really live. There is something I am after. There's something else I am after. Out here in the wild, I'm searching for an even more elusive prey, something that can only be found through the help of wilderness. I'm looking for my heart. Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs. Now I want you to believe this what the world needs are men who have come alive. True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant. Our strength will be our own. So, as long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? I don't trust a man who hasn't suffered. I don't let a man get close to me who hasn't faced his wound. Think of the posers, you know. Are they the kind of man you would call at two o'clock am, when life is collapsing around you, not me? I don't want cliches, I want deep, soulful truth, and it only comes when a man has walked the road I've been talking about Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Fighting isn't our problem. We're fighting the wrong enemies. You really can't fight a battle that you don't think exists. What men deal with, that make us misunderstood, that have us in places of isolation, are these kind of things that we're talking about today. So the episode is coming to a close. We're going to get into this more, especially during our roundtable discussions. As a matter of fact, I may not even talk about men's stuff at all, except in the roundtable discussions. I might just keep it there because there's just so much to get into, but I want to recommit you guys to thinking about these three questions again. Okay, I want to get back to this again, because I think this is the most important thing we can ask ourselves in light of all that we've heard. If you heard those quotes, it's in Wilder the Harp, discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul, by John Eldridge. Please check out these. Look at what we talked about taking our way through life. Look at what we talked about meeting a mission in life, trying to find our hearts, wanting deep, soulful truth, want to follow men that have walked the path that they talk about, that they profess to know, the path that they talk about that they profess to know. We just want honest, genuine, authentic conversation, interaction, communication, friendship, brotherhood and insights as men. That's what we want. We're searching for that in all the wrong places sometimes. That's all that we want. It's all we want from this world around us. My hope and my prayer is that our roundtable discussions will help you find that and begin to start building that and seeking that in your local communities and start helping other men who are like you that needed something and now they can find it. Because of you, because of the change that you're going to make in your life, you can help three, five, 10, 50 other men in your neck of the woods to help get breakthrough. Here are the three questions. Again, we're going to go ahead and close out the three toughest questions I've ever asked anybody else or I've ever been asked. Number one are you willing to stop doing man stuff and start being a man, start being responsible, start being obligated to not only to keep your family in your household and go to work, so to speak, but to also build for your family, build your character, build integrity, grow spiritually, grow emotionally, so your family can have the very best version of you that's available? Are you willing to stop doing man stuff in the worlds that we're supposed to be doing? That makes us a man. Are you willing to stop doing that stuff and put it to the side and start being a man? Number two are you willing to admit that you personally need other men in your life? You think you can do it alone. You're missing the boat boat. We need community, we need each other. And lastly, number three is your family and your community, your world, worth your efforts to grow? You might think you are a dot on a piece of paper in this world, but you're not. You put a dot on that paper, put a circle around it, that sphere of influence. You can reach people in that sphere. In that circle you can change lives in that circle. You can cause people to be healed in that circle. You can cause restoration to happen in other people's lives in that circle, just because you've embraced it yourself. Is your family worth it? Is your community worth it? Is your world worth the efforts to grow? If you have any questions about what we talked about today, of course you can reach me in the show notes. My information is there. Definitely, reach out to me. I'm looking to have a combo with you. On top of that, if you check out our episode, or our very first one, june 26th the Men's Roundtable Series discussion it's going to be so much fun. We, the men's round table series discussion it's going to be so much fun. We're going to talk about men's issues the real ones after the fake ones, the issues that really really bother us, the challenges that we really really deal with. We're going to get it all out there and we're going to heal together. I'm excited about this. Hope you are too. Check out everything on social media that promotes the upcoming podcast and, of course, this episode right here. Drop your questions in the comments in the chat. Let me know what you think. Can't wait to hear from you guys soon. I got another inspiration station under my belt, so I'm excited about that. I'm glad to be back with you guys and hope to be back with you guys real soon. Have a fantastic day. We're out, thanks.