One on One with Mista Yu
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One on One with Mista Yu
***WORLD PREMIERE*** The Men's Roundtable Series - Why Do Men Avoid The Disciplined Lifestyle?
The Men's Roundtable Series premieres with a candid discussion about why men often avoid discipline despite knowing its importance to achieving their goals and building meaningful legacies.
• Eight men from diverse backgrounds introduce themselves and their personal journeys
• Discipline is recognized as multifaceted and requires consistent progress rather than perfection
• Many men experience "seasonal discipline" – being structured in some areas while struggling in others
• The panel debates whether discipline starts and ends with individual choice
• Information overload and constant distractions make maintaining discipline particularly challenging in modern life
• Accountability partnerships significantly improve men's ability to maintain discipline in various life areas
• The "law of thirds" concept: find a mentor, connect with peers for growth, then mentor someone else
• Legacy becomes a powerful motivator – breaking toxic cycles and establishing healthy examples of masculinity
• Discipline ultimately serves to accomplish one's God-given purpose and impacts future generations
We hope this conversation inspires you to examine your own disciplined lifestyle and consider both where you need accountability and how you might provide it for others. Join us next month as we continue these important discussions about modern masculinity.
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The first. The table is set One, two, three, four. Well, this is our very first episode. I can't say welcome back. This is the men's round table series. I'm your host, mr Eugene, here moderating. We got men from around the world that care about men's issues. We're going to talk about that today, our very first one, so I'm excited to be here. So let's go ahead and get into this man. Let's go ahead and jump in, but first, before we do that, we got a lot to introduce themselves. We can start from Rob, we can start with you and we're going down the line. Man, what's your name?
Speaker 2:Where you from. What are you doing? Alright, I am RL Corbett, or Rod Corbett, coming to you guys from the Charleston, south Carolina area. Right now. I am a 42-year-old husband and father. Occupation I am a chemical analyst for an environmental firm. Basically, I work for the EPA. Basically, that's the way I can put it. Inspiring author and life coach. All of our motivator Ready for this discussion, man.
Speaker 1:Same here, brother, I love it, I love it All. Right, great Come discussion, man. Same here, brother, I love it, I love it All right, Trey, come on, man.
Speaker 4:Good evening fellas. My name is Trey Jones. I am also from will live in the Charleston area. Originally from the upstate of South Carolina, I am a engineering manager at Volvo Cars, so Volvo Cars built the factory in the Charleston area, so I moved here to work for them about eight years ago. I am a husband of 25 years and have two adult children, and I'm also excited to be a part of this panel.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 5:Aaron. Come on, brother, how's it going? Everybody, my name is Aaron Gamble. I am on the West Coast, in the West side of Los Angeles. I work as a full-time life coach and men's group facilitator, and my mission is to help people reclaim their own narrative, to take back their story, whatever that may be. I'm also a father of two young kids. I have an 8 and 10-year old, and I am a co-parent. I've navigating this, this life as a as a divorced dad.
Speaker 3:I love it. I love it. All right, mark, come on brother.
Speaker 6:Hey guys, mark Hugee, I am in the Moncks Corner area suburb of Charleston. I'm in the Moncks Corner area, the suburb of Charleston. Born and raised here in Charleston, I moved away about in 1995. So I've been gone for quite a while in Charlotte, north Carolina, but my wife and I moved back home in 2019. And I am a dad of twins 56. And my dad and twins will soon be nine years old. So I'm trying to stay young, to keep up. But, yeah, I'm excited about this. I'm a contractor right here in the Charleston area and I am really, really excited for the invitation. I'm humbled to be a part of this group of guys trying to make a difference, trying to make an impact.
Speaker 1:Love it, brian. You're up brother. Thank you, mark. Brian, you're up.
Speaker 6:Yeah, so I'm Brian Capers. I am from the metropolis of Santee, south Carolina. The population of trees is about 10 billion. I'm sorry, but I'm a construction management project manager by trade. Um and um, yeah, this, this is very needed. I'm I'm excited to be of uh this discussion and dialogue uh with brother.
Speaker 1:So I'm looking forward to it. Same here, brother. All right, vad you're up?
Speaker 7:hey, good day everybody. My name is Vad Lee, as you might see, or maybe not see Full name is Lavadier, but go by Vad. I'm originally from Durham, north Carolina, but I live here in Charleston, south Carolina. Now. It's funny, I used to say growing up that I was from the real Carolina and somehow I found myself in South Carolina. So which one is real? I'm still trying to figure that out, but I am. My background. My background is chaplaincy, in particular, sports chaplaincy. I'm also a national published author and professional speaker, so I go around traveling to, specifically a lot of NFL and college football teams has been mostly my background, but also have had the opportunity to go corporate as well, and so I'm excited to be on here. I work with a lot of men, mentor a lot of young men especially, and excited to be on with a plethora of knowledge from different people, different men around the world.
Speaker 1:He's played for my old team too, so I mean my former team. So I'm like I'm loving this. All right, rich, you're up, man, go ahead brother.
Speaker 8:All right, so my name's Richard. I'm 48 years old. I've been married going on let's see here almost 19 years. I have two boys, 10 and 13. Me and Yusef go way back so when we used to live back in tampa. So so yeah, um, I currently just started a new job. I work currently work for um ripple fiber as a sales consultant. So I'm going around knocking on doors trying to get people signed up. So it's definitely daunting, especially in this hot weather, but I've been all over. It's a pleasure to be part of this group and beat off you guys and also see if I can help you, help people as well. That's just. My passion is trying to help people and help men. Past hurts, past addictions, whatever the case may be. So I love it. The legendary John be so glad to be here.
Speaker 1:Thank you, brother, I love it. The legendary John G, you're up, sir?
Speaker 3:All right, thanks, jesus. John Janakis, 64 years old, six months away from retirement Whoop, whoop, you look great. Yes, originally from New Jersey, but I live here in Charleston, south Carolina. So I like to say I'm a northerner by birth, but southerner by the grace of God.
Speaker 3:So, I've been married for 41 years and my wife and I have a passion for marriages. We had a rough time that we went through almost got divorced and married for about 20 years and the Lord helped us through that. And ever since then we've had a passion for marriages. We at our church, north Palm, we serve with Brian Capers in marriage ministry and serve with Yusef in the deliverance ministry. But my wife and I got ordained and are we're ready for chapter two and chapter two is going to be full time working for the Lord and helping people in their marriages. So that's our passion and and that's that's where the Lord has given us authority. So that's that's our story.
Speaker 1:I love that I love that chance. You ready to tell us who you are, man, you here, you in and out, you here today. Chance, I'm going to give you the count of three, brother. And then we got to keep on moving. Can you hear me?
Speaker 8:I'm not the good one, all right. So that's at you, all right.
Speaker 1:All right. So that's an awesome guy man. I can hear from him, all right. But just to be clear, kind of jumping in right now, watching and listening wherever you are. This is not just an opportunity for another group. This is not for us to have a gripe session.
Speaker 1:I'm hearing and I think all the guys on this call you told me that personally. I know you hear it too. There's a cry coming out from men around the world. We struggle with a lot of things that we don't do well. We have some inability sometimes to accomplish things, sometimes even an unwillingness that we'll get into on later shows and stuff. But for the most part, we got a big responsibility on our shoulders as men, and the world doesn't make it better.
Speaker 1:So we would have had this opportunity to have this safe space to talk about things that are germane to us, things that matter to us. So if you're watching and listening, I'm totally cool with the comments. You can ask us individual questions if you'd like to. If it's out of pocket, it's not going to happen, but if it's to the point, we'll let it come on air and we'll go ahead and discuss it. I have our panelists speak to those things specifically and we'll keep the conversation going, but today we're going to talk about why do men avoid the discipline in life A lot of places we can start with men's issues.
Speaker 1:I'm not surprised that we're starting there, but I really believe it is a powerful topic because athletes have disciplined lives, ceos and coaches and stuff have disciplined lives. For some reason as a whole, men normally avoid it. So I know you guys got insights. I've already heard from you guys on some of this already, so we can kind of do it popcorn style. Whoever has a thought. But just generally speaking, do you guys have a discipline lifestyle going right now? Who can speak to that? If you don't be honest, I don't have one, but I want to have one.
Speaker 6:Well, I have to say, it's a work in progress for me and that's that's because, you know, I work out and um, and I work out because it helps me develop discipline around my life, because it keeps me looking forward to something, um, and it keeps me, you know, uh, challenging myself and pushing myself. When there's a work in progress it's because, you know, a disciplined life is a multifaceted thing, so it doesn't just cover one area of life, it covers all of it. And so, honestly, I think, just being honest, I could tell that there are things in my life that still needs improvement, but for me, a disciplined life is my goal, is to develop that in every aspect of my life.
Speaker 2:I would have to agree with Brian on that. That's a loaded question really. As far as a disciplined life, I could say for the most part, yes, but there are areas where I could do a lot better in. You know, as far as being a father husband, going to work every day like clockwork, it's routine. But then there's other areas I need help with eating, working out. I may be good for two or three months, then I'm going to fall off the wagon. I'm going to eat candy all day. So there's a lot of different areas that I need help in. As far as being more disciplined, even with my reading and studying and things of that nature, I would like to be more disciplined with that Because, like I said, I can be good for two, three months and then a dry spell will come and I just fall off and then I have to pick myself back up and get back on the wagon, so to speak. So it's a work in progress.
Speaker 4:I think it's definitely a work in progress for me too. Everything you just said. You were talking about me too. I mean, certain things are just like clockwork I get up every day and I go to work. I, you know, I provide for my family, I take care of my family, but then there are other aspects in life where, yeah, I have the mindset to do it, but you start it and then, you know, you use the words fall off the wagon. I've been same, same here, um, so definitely some work in progress.
Speaker 5:I think that this is actually a really tough thing for us as men in this day and age. I mean, we live in a time where there is so much distraction, there's so much information, there's so many things that creates discipline becomes a lot harder. You have social media, all this information, all these these things that we can do that make it hard to stay disciplined. We've got more choices than ever now. You go to the grocery store and just look at the cereal aisle and see how many choices you have to have something that may not be necessarily healthy or whatever.
Speaker 5:It's a really tough thing. We live in a world with so much information and and I think our minds can only take so much, it's it's like a like, you know, like in computer terms, it's like bandwidth, like we, our brains, have only so much bandwidth then. Then you get overloaded and and you know, discipline goes out the window and you, you know whatever, whatever that thing is, comes in and and you know it's, it's soothing to to have whatever that is, and for some people it's alcohol or candy, or, you know, sitting on the couch watching tv, like it's. There's all these different options that we have that that make it tough to really be disciplined. I? I think it's harder than ever nowadays. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, aaron, I love that. I would tag onto that saying I think sometimes one of our worst enemies is being overcommitted and being committed to too many things. You know, I, I. One of the things that my wife and I talk a lot about is priorities. And what are the priorities in your life? Because sometimes we can be real disciplined with priority number seven, but what about priority one and two and three? You know, and if you don't know what those priorities are first you have to identify them To say what are the real priorities in my life and if I can be disciplined with the top one or two, maybe that's a success.
Speaker 3:Maybe, if I can go on to number three, I have one, two and three in the right order. There may be some other things I'd love to change. How important are those things that I'd love to change? Sometimes they're very important. I mean, if you're abusing alcohol, it's going to affect everything right, or any other substance or some sort of habit, and I think that's one area of the discipline, but the other is I love the seven habits of highly successful people by stephen covey, one of my favorite books, and one of the things that he talks about habit number two is begin with the end in mind. Well, what does good look like, what does good look like? And if you know what good looks like and you can prioritize, how do I get there? Maybe I can focus on those and all those other distractions. They're going to come and go, but if I get the top three things right, maybe I'll make it some progress. That's how I tend to look at it.
Speaker 1:That's one of my top ten books, man. I love it, John. Thanks, man.
Speaker 6:Who else I?
Speaker 6:think discipline and focus kind of go hand in hand. Pretty much. I know myself I have to as a guy that's been diagnosed with ADHD. I just found that out, that diagnosis, just just, uh, I just found that out, uh, three, two, three years ago, wow, okay.
Speaker 6:So, so, um, lists is big for me. I need structure. I have to have a list in order for me to get everything done, because I want to, especially at home, if I see somebody that needs help, even if I don't see it, if I hear it, I want to drop what I'm doing and go and help. But then I got two or three different projects that's still open, you know. So I need to have structure. I have to have this list, I have to. Okay, what am I doing tomorrow? Okay, what's the most important thing? And, logistically, where do I need to start? I'll start at the furthest point out and work my way. I have to have systems, unless I'm just, I'm in a mess. So that's, that's, that's my thing.
Speaker 6:But I could still use more work, some improvement when it comes to things like, things like and I've also learned to give myself grace when I kind of, when I kind of, you know, fall off the wagon, like Rod said, you know things like not.
Speaker 6:I wanted to get into this, this, this, this regimen as far as reading the word, reading, reading my Bible and really studying, reading the word, reading my Bible and really studying. But for a while I would hear different people have conversations and I would hear their resume and I would hear their, their, the way they go about it. I really like that. I wonder if I could implement that. But that's for them, that that works well for them and doesn't always work well for me and I used to beat myself up for it not looking like this, like I think it should. But I started giving myself grace, started learning to give myself grace because, suppose, if I want to spend a certain amount of time reading or studying, suppose I don't do it just for an hour straight, suppose I break it up. I have to learn different ways to get the job done and not beat myself up and just give myself grace to survive that.
Speaker 1:Good stuff, man, I like it. Man, all right, rich, you want to jump in there, or are we moving on to the next question?
Speaker 8:Everybody with what everybody's been saying. It also helps to have someone to keep you disciplined, like, for instance, for people that are married. It's good to have a spouse that is going to keep you grounded, keep you accountable. But if you don't have that, you know, have a friend, you know it definitely helps that you have someone that's going to do that for you, because I know for me I mess up all the time. You know you can ask my wife.
Speaker 8:We got in a huge argument this morning, you know, about finances. But because I'm not all the time, you can ask my wife. We got in a huge argument this morning about finances. I'm not going to lie, I like to spend money. She's a saver. She found that, oh, you've been putting money on a credit card. What have you been doing?
Speaker 8:Remember, I've been out of work for almost two, almost three months. I just started a job. I've been out of work for almost two, almost three months. You know I just started a job and you know the connections are like the people that used to keep me accountable, other than my wife, are down in Florida. So you know it's kind of hard, you know. So you know I like to play video games. I like to watch movies. That costs money. It's not free, you know. Yes, we have Netflix, yes, we have Amazon Prime and things like that, but there's things that unfortunately, are not on there and I will go out. If there's a sale going on, I will go out and buy it. And she's like what's going on? All these charges on this Xbox card? I thought you said you got rid of it.
Speaker 8:I never told you I got rid of it. And then we take our kids to daycare throughout the week and it's not cheap. So I've been funding into the credit card because right now, until I start making money, our finances are very limited. So I keep telling her that it's like I'm sorry, you know I've told you that I've been doing that. I've had three flat tires in less than six months. You know you got to give me some grace, but you know I understand her on her side that she's also trying to keep me accountable for you know saying hey, you know you're going above and beyond what you're supposed to be spending your money on or our money on.
Speaker 8:So that's where I need to be more disciplined on what I do you know and it helps that you have someone there in your corner that can also give you grace, you know because like, hey, you've made a mistake, well, let's move on, let's just try not do it again, let's you know, let's do better next time.
Speaker 1:So that's just my two cents, okay.
Speaker 7:Yeah, thanks for sharing. I would definitely. I'll add in really quickly. First of all, what everybody has said I'm in alignment with. I love that we're talking about discipline in terms of a pursuit right, discipline in terms of desire, discipline in terms of that's where I want to be as a former Well, as an athlete I'm not going to say former as an athlete and playing at the highest level.
Speaker 7:I will say that I've noticed trends in my discipline when, when football season is around, I tend to be a little bit more disciplined.
Speaker 7:That's when my grades was better. That's when, like from little league, it's almost having that accountability, having that thing that, like Richard talked about, having like somebody else, like a wife or somebody else. For me, growing up it was football. I knew that I had to make good grades in order to play, or my mom was going to take me out of the game, and so, even in college, you know, I always had better grades when it was the fall versus the spring, because the spring is where you, like Aaron talked about, is where you experience a little bit more freedom, you got choices, you got a little bit more time to do other things, and so I noticed that discipline in my life has been mostly seasonal discipline, right, where I can be disciplined for a season, and then all of a sudden my discipline is no longer there, right, and even though I'm no longer playing ball, I will say that, like, it's still one of those trends that's in my life, because that's kind of what I'm used to doing.
Speaker 7:And so the question for me is like hey, are you going to be disciplined or are you going to be disobedient? You know, I think discipline ties closely with obedience, right, and disobedience. Either you're going to be consistent in your discipline or you're not. And so every day, I believe that we all probably get challenged within our disciplines that we've created, and it's a good thing because it keeps us pursuing for excellence, pursuing to do well in our disciplines.
Speaker 1:I love it. It actually has gold. It's really interesting to hear the different perspectives. The word discipline comes from a former two word, but it means people to be learned or be a learner, and I think about this. I think about long-term intentionality, having a standard for what you're trying to accomplish making progress. One of you guys mentioned something regarding progress and growth. I think that's all kind of pipes in to what discipline is really all about, and it's like when I hear somebody say you know what a disciplined lifestyle it makes me think about, okay, I can't do this for a week. Somebody say you know what a disciplined lifestyle it makes me think about okay, I can't do this for a week and then say you know what I'm living?
Speaker 1:A disciplined lifestyle. This is a long-term intentional journey that you're on and in order to be on it, you got to stay on it. If you get off of it, it kind of almost defeats the point. So I want to ask you a question just several questions I have for you, you guys. Hopefully we have enough time to get into it. Do you believe personally, that the key to discipline starts and ends with you? Anybody can start there with that response. Do you believe that the key to an effective discipline lifestyle starts and ends with you personally.
Speaker 8:I would say yes, I agree. So, essentially, you know, if you're not the one that you know, you got to put your your. If it is dealing with you, with your discipline, you have to be the one that actually starts it and also ends it, you know, and that, depending on how you started and how you ended, it's really up to you because, like you know, um, what you're being disciplined with, or what about you know, like with me, it could be finances. I've got to learn that, hey, can we afford this right now, like, if I'm, if I'm going to not be disciplined enough to say, hey, you know, yeah, I'm still going to not be disciplined enough to say, hey, you know, yeah, I'm still going to spend the money, you know, then I'm not being disciplined, I'm not being, you know, I'm not being, I'm not using what God has given me, you know, as you know, and using it correctly, and I'm not being disciplined enough to use it correctly. So, but yes, it starts and also ends with you, you know. So it could be a good ending, it could be a bad ending.
Speaker 8:It really depends on the person. You know something, you know, but hopefully, if you have someone alongside you, they're going to help you along the way with that discipline, saying, hey, you know you did this, what's going on, what's you know what's causing you to stumble? Or, good job, you're doing a great job on whatever you're trying to be disciplined at. If you're in sports, hey, you just made a 50-yard touchdown. That was awesome. You're running a 40-yard dash, that's just awesome.
Speaker 8:It really ties in with yes, it starts with and ends with you, and it also really helps if you have someone that's going to be a positive motivator to you. But there's also people that also can track from you as well. So you got to make sure you have those right people that are going to be big, uh, big promoters for you. When you are doing good and bad, they're going to show you when, hey, this is you know you're doing good, but you're. They're going to tell you when, hey, you're doing good, but whenever you're doing bad, they're going to point you out and say, hey, you're messing up. You need to correct your course because if you don't, you're going to fail, whatever you're trying to be disciplined at.
Speaker 2:Let's jump in behind, richard, real quick. Like you said, it does begin and end with you. Just an old cliche says that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. So even though we have those motivators, we may have those catalysts in our lives, it's still ultimately up to us, because you can lay the plan out for me. But if I don't decide to follow that plan, it's no good. It must begin with you. I can't want it more than you want it. And another cliche, like my grandfather, used to say what you eat, don't make me go to the bathroom. That's what it is. So what you decide to do in your life really doesn't affect me as far as where I'm going, what motivates me, what I'm going to achieve or not achieve. I have to want it, I have to make that decision and I have to move forward. Again, you cannot make a horse drink, even if you lead him to the water.
Speaker 2:It has to go with you.
Speaker 1:It is a choice.
Speaker 6:It's a choice. It's a choice, it's free will, it's a God-given right. You have to make that choice. To make that choice, you have to have a reason why you went making that choice. You have to have a reason why why you went making that choice and that's that's, that's the, that's your motivator. You know, and if you, if you find yourself getting off track, if you go back to that reason why you believe that you should be disciplined in that area, then that that that can be a motivator to help you get back on track. But it's definitely a you thing, because it's a choice and that's that's a choice that only you can make.
Speaker 5:That's a choice that only you can make. I love this RL, bringing up that old school. Like my grandfather used to say, you could lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. And I actually use that a lot now in my coaching because you're right and, mark, you're also right. It really comes down to choices. We make a ton of choices in our lives all the time. Right, it really comes down to choices. We make a ton of choices in our lives all the time.
Speaker 5:I could choose to write this, you know, content that I need to create or scroll on my phone. That's a choice and that comes down to the discipline. Somebody you know you could be out with your friends and everybody's going out to have beers and you make a choice whether you're going to go, stay out late and get up. Get up, you know, not get up early to work out or do what you do in the morning. That's a choice. So it definitely comes down to you know, to to your own choices, and we make unconscious and conscious choices all the time anybody else.
Speaker 3:Anybody else.
Speaker 7:Yeah, yeah, I love the conversation. I guess I'm thinking a little differently with this question. I do believe that discipline the question is very interesting. Does discipline start and ends with you? The focus seems to be about you, but because I work with a lot of young people, I realize that you don't know what you don't know a young person to make the right decision without being taught or discipled or led or encouraged or supported along the way, then they might not know how to live a disciplined lifestyle. And if you don't know how, if you've never seen that model, then you think what you're doing is right and all it takes is somebody to come and say, hey, have you thought about it this way? Have you done it this way? A mentor to come in your life and say, hey, have you thought about this? Have you considered this? Have you considered the choices?
Speaker 7:When you are a man that's cheating on your spouse, right, cheating on your wife, right? Do you understand the consequences? I personally wouldn't understand discipline without my faith in Christ and without having real men and mentors in my life. Right, because I could have lived a life where, you know, my father was strung out on drugs and crack cocaine. I could have followed suit, because what is he teaching me, right? What is that teaching me about life? Of course, you know, thank God, that I didn't follow his steps or whatever, but in terms of when I got older, I realized through wisdom that we're all one step away, or one mistake away, from living a different lifestyle, or living or being strung out on whatever, whether that's pornography, crack, cocaine, whether that's women, right, we're all one choice away. And, yes, it takes discipline to restraint from those things. But then, taught that discipline, it's not a journey by yourself. I will say that. So, yes, yes, yes, I'm having a hard time fully saying yes to that question, but I don't disagree with what anybody said so far.
Speaker 7:However, I do want to just add it's not a journey that you can do by yourself.
Speaker 1:Before anybody else jumps in, I'm going to go ahead and jump in real quick before you come in. Brian, it wasn't intended to be loaded on purpose, but I wanted to kind of take it a little bit more broadly. Hopefully I won't suddenly read my own show, but for me I feel as though, even though I can say yes a bit uncomfortably, I can say yes to the question. I really feel like my faith and my belief in God is my compass, and if I don't have that, guess what my discipline are going to be rooted and grounded in me. It's going to be about what I want, who.
Speaker 1:I think I am my own personal self-image. You know how that works. People can tell you all your life you're going to be my own personal self-image, and that can come from a lot of different places. You know how that works. People can tell you all your life you're going to be a baseball player, and it's part of your self-image. Until you get released from the team. Then guess what? What happened to your self-image then? So for me, my compass is a big part of how I stay on the journey. I can't do that just because of my determination or quote-unquote that dreaded word my passion. That can't keep me there. Passion won't get me up at 3 o'clock in the morning to go running, to get out of bed at 5 o'clock to go on a commute. I need something more than passion, and just my own self-determination, if you will. So I love what Vad said. Go ahead, brian, you can jump in there.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I was just going to say I totally agree with LeVadier, because that's exactly where I was going with it. That's where my mindset was is because I know me and I'm not preloaded with that. It comes from the outside. I need the information in order to know what the standard is. What am I being disciplined for? You know what am I gearing up my discipline life for? You know, what am I shooting for? What's my goal? That comes externally. Yeah, I have to choose that, I have to make that decision, but ultimately I'm deciding to do something that comes from the external. And it's like I was in a truck the other day, moving truck.
Speaker 6:I had the privilege of riding with a boxer, an ex-boxer, for two hours and we were just talking about this type of stuff and he shared with me how, you know, back in the 70s. You know, his first major check from boxing was like $22,000. And because he didn't have the proper information, bob wrecked his whole life with that one check, but he didn't know to not do certain things. So that discipline and I agree totally with LeVitier's perspective, I agree with everyone, but more so in the lines of it comes with the information you're fed. It comes with the information you're fed, then now the next step is now. You choose that. Now you make a decision based on what you have learned from the external Love it.
Speaker 1:Locked up. I'm going to come in here real quick before somebody jumps in Hold on. Real quick, lock up. But in your mind I did have a comment for us, discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments. Thanks, lock, great comment. Appreciate that, all right, who's next Go?
Speaker 2:ahead, just for a topic of discussion, since we're in here and Iron Chopper's Iron. I agree with everyone saying, especially about the external motivators and the factors no man is an island. We need each other. We can't get to our destination alone. However, I still would have to push back and say it still begins with you.
Speaker 2:The reason I say that is we take two brothers who grew up in the same household. They got the same lessons. They had the same people teaching them, they went to the same lessons, had the same people teaching them, they went to the same teacher, they had the same mentor and some of this what I'm speaking to. We know people like this in our families. We got all the same learning, all the same teaching, yet one goes on to choose life and the other one goes on to choose the bad road. So my question would be then if we're all getting the same teaching, doesn't it still begin with you? You have to make the choice to follow those steps, to follow those mentors, because we're getting the mentors. I mean two students, same teaching, one passes, the other one fails, one decides to study, the other one doesn't, but they're getting the same teaching, same mentors.
Speaker 6:Okay and I like what you said, but I think, for me, I just believe that discipline requires a standard and the teaching is the standard, and so the decision, yeah, that's yours, but teaching is the standard and that's the platform on which discipline is built, is the standard, and I think everyone needs that. We need to have that platform and that foundation in order to build a disciplined life, in order to make decisions that are true, because otherwise, how do we know what is true? How do we know what is right? We have to believe that what we are hearing is right and true and, in order to make the decision, to follow that, and then, if we obviously, if we choose the opposite, then we believe that something else might be true also. You understand. So discipline requires that foundation in order to be established. That's just my perspective, that's just my belief.
Speaker 3:Brian, I'd love to build on that a little bit. We work with a lot of married couples and, as men, that's a very important part of our lives. For those who are married or aspiring to be married, it's very important. And what we found is some couples are very motivated, some couples are not very motivated. Sometimes she's motivated and he's not. Sometimes he's motivated and he's not. Sometimes he's motivated and she's not. But even if they're motivated, discipline for the sake of discipline might lead you nowhere. It's good one. It's what? What do you? What are you trying to accomplish in a marriage?
Speaker 3:Many times, we will give couples lots of suggestions regarding finances, regarding intimacy, regarding communication I mean lots of different topics. Right, and we've learned a lot and we try and impart a lot to married couples and in some cases, their mindset is based on how they were raised, based on the example of their parents or their friends or the culture, and that's their frame of reference, that's kind of their input. And we say, well, what does God say about marriage? What's God's plan for marriage? Because we didn't know, we didn't grow up in Christian households, right? So when we ran into our brick wall, that's ultimately the question that we came up to you know what is God's plan for marriage. So when we had that conviction then that we were going to do whatever it took to fix the marriage, aha, then we could start to move forward. It took a desperation, it took a conviction, and then you can be disciplined about something. Because if you're just disciplined because you know you have a conviction, okay, it's got to be a strong enough conviction to get through those hard times when you're against the wall, when you hit the wall in the marathon, when you hit the wall in your marriage and you say there's no exit door.
Speaker 3:I made a covenant, not a contract. I made a covenant with my wife and I'm going to see this thing through and I'm convicted, and I have a conviction to do it the way that God wants me to do it. So I need to learn, I need to change, I need to be open to change, I need to take on maybe some new ideas and new thoughts that are different from what my nature has been. And now I've got to take on a new nature. If I'm going to make that goal, I've got to take on a new nature. If I'm going to make that goal. I got to take on a new nature. So I really think it comes from having that conviction about what. What does good look like, what is right, where do I want to go and, ultimately, what am I going to be successful in life. And when you have that, then you got to get the right inputs.
Speaker 1:So I'm adding some new wrinkles to this conversation. You know what's going to happen, but what I'm hearing in the when I think about discipline and when I lay stuff out and deal with things and somebody mentioned it earlier, but we didn't get a lot of time to kind of flesh it out we need to do that right now. The accountability piece there are many in this, in this, in this room. That may may apply. This may not. Some of you may cringe at the idea of letting somebody mentor you who's younger than you, or you may cringe at the idea of mentoring somebody because you don't feel like you're at the place where you can really help, because you've got so much stuff going on in your life. Tell me where you see the accountability piece on this discipleship journey. Discipleship, that was it. Well, yeah, I know that's not where I'm trying to go today, but with the accountability in this discipline journey. So can I speak to that? I want to hear from everybody on this one. Go ahead.
Speaker 7:Well, I'll share, since you messed up and used the word disciple instead of disciple, but I think about Matthew 28, 19, when Christ tells us therefore, go share the gospel to all nations, all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father, son and the Holy Spirit. When I think about discipline and I think about mentorship, I also think about discipleship. I think about, you know, am I being mentored right now and who am I meant? Who's mentoring me and who am I mentoring right? Who's discipling me? Who am I discipling? You know, I think of even going.
Speaker 7:Earlier, when we was talking, one of the scriptures that came to mind was in a child and where they should go Right. When I was a boy, I thought like a boy, but when I became a man, I put away the childish thoughts, I put away the childish things and I became a man. And so, you know, my feedback is discipline is based on being trained to go. You can't go and do all the things that Christ said to go if you haven't prepared to go, if you haven't been disciplined to go, if you haven't been discipled to go, if you haven't been trained to go. I am not prepared to go and do all of these things if that is not in place.
Speaker 7:And so a lot of times when I, when I, like you know, for example, like I know the consequences of, if it was up to me, when I see a pretty girl, if it was that that will probably do something crazy, right, but because of the discipline and the accountability that I have through the word of God, through Christ, and I know that that's not, I'm disciplined enough to know that's not what I should do because of the word, then that keeps me now grounded. And now my wife get benefited from it because of the word. It's not even because of her, it's because of the word and my relationship of me being discipled by men, older men, wiser men, men, that's been there and done that. Right, because God can use all things. There's no experience that's bigger than God, right, and God uses all experiences. He will use everything. And so, yeah, I think about all of those things, those scriptures that come to mind and just wanted to offer that and offer that.
Speaker 1:Thank you, sir. Who else Accountability?
Speaker 2:OK, well, if you ain't doing it, that's OK. We talk about accountability. I look at it from two two sides here.
Speaker 8:I look at it from two sides here.
Speaker 2:First God always showed me two sides, he always showed me, other people but he always showed me me first. With that being said, you have to be self-accountable.
Speaker 2:Too often we want to put the blame on somebody else what I didn't get. Someone didn't give me this, someone didn't show me that, someone didn't teach me that? Wow, my own stories. Like me and my father had an exchange relationship, so there was a lot of things when it comes to being a father, being a husband, with finances. I didn't learn any of that stuff from him.
Speaker 2:I had to make up the decision okay, god, this is where you want me to be. So now I need to pursue where it is you want me to be. So I need to find who I need to connect with. I need to read the books that I need to read, because I had to hold myself accountable when I was a child. That's one thing, but, like you said, when I was a child, I thought as a child, but now that I'm a man, I put away childish things. So, as a man, I can't stand on the ooh, no one taught me anything. Now I have to pull up my boots, get out there in the field and learn it. I have to be willing to do this and I have to hold myself accountable.
Speaker 2:Now, on the other side of it, we also need accountability partners, because, as we, as we said, we cannot do this alone. If you try to do it alone, you will get beat down. I mean, let's just think about the world as men. We got social media telling us what a man is. We got women on social media no, no, no offense to women but we got women on social media telling you what a man is and what a man ain't.
Speaker 2:And you know, you got all these avenues coming at you, all this information coming in, but what's the truth? And the only way we can find the truth is in the word of God. Then we got to find godly counsel. But you have to pursue that. You can't just sit back and say, oh, woe is me. You have to actively pursue it and then humble yourself, because sometimes the lesson may come from a child, sometimes the lesson will come from somebody that doesn't look like you. You have to humble yourself and be willing to learn those lessons, and not only learn those lessons but then act on what you learn.
Speaker 6:That's what I was going to go with that, the humility route, because you said something about would you be willing to learn from somebody who's younger than you? And I think that takes a lot of times humility to do that, especially if the teaching styles you know, that can be a little tough to deal with if it's somebody younger.
Speaker 6:But if you value what they have and if somebody's got tenure in whatever area of life or field, then I believe that you should yield to that Case in point. You know, my wife and I, we started having our kids late, much later on in life. I was almost 48 when kids came along. Yeah, my nieces and nephews, their kids are twice the age of ours, some of them Gosh. So they, although I've been around longer and I'm old enough to be a granddad, they have walked down some paths that I haven't yet.
Speaker 6:As far as being a parent. Now I can teach them some things about just being able to share things because I've been around longer. But as far as in that avenue of being a parent, there are some things that they can tell us about. Okay, here's what you do. You go to this store, you go to that store. When you get to this grade, you know like they've already walked that path. So if it's good information, it shouldn't matter where it's coming from, because we can learn from anybody, because it's not all about learning what to do. Sometimes it's about learning what not to do. Right, that's fair.
Speaker 1:Just my own life, guys. That's it. Stop it with it. What was that? It's part of my experience. That's why I do it out there. But no, who's the next person? Go ahead, jump in.
Speaker 5:Mark, I think you just hit something that I've been kind of patiently waiting to say is that I actually think that that we learn things even if you don't have good models, and you kind of said it right there is I. I've like rl, I I had a very similar like me and you are kindred spirits, bro, like, we have very similar, similar upbringing and like, and I didn't have great, great models growing up. But what I know and I've talked to you, yusuf, about this in our podcast is I learned what not to do, and I apply that to my parenting. I didn't have great parents growing up, but I know what not to do, and that informed me on what choices I make, and I think that that's really important. As far as accountability, going back to the accountability thing, though, I think accountability is incredibly important. I mean, as a matter of fact, yesterday I just assigned a friend. I asked a friend if he would be an accountability partner for me.
Speaker 5:I'm struggling with putting out a program and I just have been pushing it back and pushing it back and you know, a friend of mine is a business guy and he said, well, what do you need? And I said, honestly, I would love for you just to hold me accountable to hit these deadlines. And he goes all right, open up a piece of paper. We're going to write it, we're going to write down a date. Now that's that date is you're going to put this out? And I'm going to write down a date. Now, that date is you're going to put this out and I'm going to hold you accountable from that moment on.
Speaker 5:And I mean that's a classic example. I mean it could be anybody. It could be your wife, it could be a friend of yours, it could be a business partner, just somebody who's there that can say hey, are you working on that goal that we set? Are you working on this thing? Are you doing this daily? And that helps with discipline. I mean, it gives you that little nudge that we may need to not distract ourselves with all these other things in order to get these goals and get these things done that you want to do. I love it.
Speaker 1:I know we're almost up against it now I want to respect you guys' time. I'm having so much fun. I don't want it to stop, but I recognize that. You know we got to stop at some point. But I want to ask you guys and I was hoping everybody would be on for this, but the guys had to jump off. We're going to miss this. But take a pause and think about this one, because we're talking a.
Speaker 1:Two are all about accountability and I hope just to encourage you guys to kind of take advantage of that. You know where it is. You don't really need me to tell you where it is. You can find it. I believe it's available to you. If it's not available, I'm surprised you can find that somewhere. It all depends on the lens that you look through it with, but you can find that. But I want to ask this question here to kind of close out our first premier broadcast here. I'm so excited about that, lee Freeberg. Thank you, sir. Fantastic Thanks for the comment, appreciate it. You talked about accountability and discipline. But I want to ask you about a personal question, and this is going to kind of get into some stuff perhaps but what's the long-term effect that you want to have by living a disciplined lifestyle. We talked about how men avoid it and I think to some degree we all have avoided it to some kind of degree. What's the long-term impact that you want to have from having a disciplined lifestyle? What are the goals you want to accomplish?
Speaker 8:I would say you're going to leave a lasting legacy for your future generations. You know, I don't know if I've told you all my entire life story, you said, but like to share with the group. I grew up in a very fizzly and perfectly story well, not everybody in here does.
Speaker 8:But, like you know, to have discipline and also have accountability, it has to be grounded in love. Yes, definitely grounded in the word of God. Growing up, I grew up in a Christian household, but my dad beat the crap out of me almost every single day, you know. He tried to put the fear of God in me and I told myself, if God is anything like my dad, my stepdad or my biological dad, I want nothing to do with him. So when you're someone's accountability partner, make sure, yes, you're grounded in accountability partner. Make sure, yes, you're grounded in the word of God and you're also you do it out of love for that person, because it means so much. And I mean that because I've been an accountability partner for some guys and they've gone through some crap and there's not enough guys out there that want to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's the long-term impact you guys want to have by having a disciplined lifestyle? What are you thinking?
Speaker 6:I'm also thinking about a legacy. I'm thinking about my son and his son. I'm thinking about changing cultures changing the culture of, maybe, things that I saw growing up that was dysfunctional, and me making a better decision to change the dynamic of the men in my family, setting a different example and changing the culture. You know that's my thing. And changing the culture, you know that's my thing. That's my thing. I want my son to know that it's okay, bro, if you've got something going on, you know it's okay to talk about that. It's okay to reach out and ask for help. It's okay. If you don't have it all together to you know, maybe reach out to somebody that can help pull you up and if you don't think that I'm the person, then find someone. It's changing the mentality so we can change the culture.
Speaker 6:I think from generation to generation we evolve Some of the things that my dad went through with his dad and his method of teaching it's.
Speaker 6:He made some tweaks with that and he did the best that he could do with the knowledge that he had in the guiding and the leading of Holy Spirit.
Speaker 6:And when it came to me, I saw something different than and I had a different experience that he had and I wanted and I now want to give my son and even, another avenue of experiencing life and what that looks like and what that means to be a man and in the relationship between father and son.
Speaker 6:I think we're supposed to learn from those things and get lessons from this right here. This is accountability, because posing these questions, if you're giving answers, it's going to make you think about the questions that have been asked and you're going to think about it later on At least I know I will my answers that I gave and moving forward, you know it helps make you really think about it in a different way and ask the question to yourself am I living the life outwardly that I have in my head? You got a picture of what you know it should be, but does that match reality? And these kind of forums and these type of spaces. It forces you to have to really think and it kind of gives you a mirror. The ultimate mirror is the word of God, obviously, but on a practical level, these kind of meetings like this kind of help gauge where you are in answering these questions and I think this is a good form of accountability.
Speaker 1:That needs to happen. I hope this is a good step in that direction. I see so many situation that you guys don't even know some of these personally too, where people know they need it but they won't let them take it. It's extended, but pride won't let them have it. It can be somebody that's younger than the person, it can be somebody that's older than the person, but they just don't feel like they're ready to take that walk and stick to it, so they kind of bail out before they can get started to avoid the disappointment. There's just so many opportunities for this, so definitely encourage that. I want to let everybody else go ahead and get their thoughts into that. Last question what's a long term impact you want to have personally by living a disciplined lifestyle? Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Long term impact. Just be real quick. I'm going to be long winded. Sometime we got time Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Just like what everybody said, it's from generation to generation. First and foremost, I want to leave a living legacy, not just a legacy, but a living legacy, beginning first with my son, that it will live through him, and then he's able to teach his kids and they're able to teach their kids. A living legacy to the point where it does change the culture, to where the Corbett name comes synonymous. Like they won't get me for this, but when you think about Dr King, you think about Marcus Garvey, you think about. These guys are no longer with us, yet the life that they live is still teaching generation after generation after generation.
Speaker 2:And with each generation we're getting better, standing on their shoulders. Ultimately, I just want to be all that Christ has called me to be and pursue. To be a Christian is to be of Christ, so that's why I want to be. That is the greatest teacher of us all and he said be perfect and not infallible, but as in being mature. Now, real quick, I said it to you guys before the law of thirds. So when I think about discipline and accountability and I think about living a legacy, then we do that by the law of thirds. First you find that mentor, someone that you can glean from someone that's going to teach you. Then you find the people, like this platform here, that are going to sharpen you and we can hold each other accountable and we can grow together. And then, the last third, you find that person that's not quite there yet and you reach back and you teach them, you be the example. So you find the example, you grow, and then you reach back and be the example. Grow and then you reach back and be the example.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 6:I remember you using that at the retreat and I almost used it, but I didn't want to see it. I figured you was going to use it again.
Speaker 2:I learned that years ago, I don't even remember where. I learned it from, but it's not mine.
Speaker 1:Anybody else want to chime in on that Long-term impact you want to have. You got to be a point to all this, right.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of unanimous. It really is legacy, I mean, as a man, you know, if you have kids, like for me, it's changing the narrative. Richard, I really resonated with a lot of what you said. I grew up in a really rough household and there's a lot of generational trauma that gets passed down and that stops with me. My kids are not going to feel that same thing. They're not going to know anything about that until they get older and they hear my story and they hear what I have been, uh, you know, teaching and and and and educating people on also. Uh, you know, aside from that, that family legacy it's, it's, it's also with men Like I I'm really. I really think it's important that we model what a healthy, masculine man is and what that means.
Speaker 3:Say that part again, right there Say that part again.
Speaker 5:It's important, though, because we have all of these things, like I said in the very beginning, of this thing is there is so much noise out in the world that isn't necessarily healthy. There is so much noise out in the world that isn't necessarily healthy, and I'm teaching my son what it's like to be a healthy, masculine man, and I'm teaching other men by doing stuff like this, as well as doing retreats and men's groups and modeling for other men what it's like to be a masculine man and and in a healthy way, and to do that inner work and to, to, to, to take those steps for themselves, to, so then they can teach it to the younger generations. So it is legacy. It's not only legacy within the family. It's legacy with, with, with society and and and humanity and who we are as men.
Speaker 3:You know, as one of the older guys on the panel, I've been through some seasons. I've been through some seasons in my life and, um, this season that I'm in right now is by far the best, because I have a disciplined time that I have with the Lord every day, and I didn't have that for most of my life. I would be in and out and did I read the Bible some? Yeah, and did I pray some? Yeah. But God is my teacher. Holy Spirit is the one who speaks to me, and when I spend time with God, he reveals things to me. We all try our best in our various seasons where we're dating, whether we have young children at home, whether we're, you know, kind of in middle age, or the different things that we have to do. The legacy that we want to leave now is we want to accomplish everything that God ordained for us to do before the foundations of the earth were laid. And how do I find out what that is? It's by spending time with the Lord. It's by spending time in His Word. We hear that from our pastor all the time. He just pounds it into us, and he's so right. He just pounds it into us, and he's so right. You know, when I spend time with the Lord, when my wife spends time with the Lord, and we get the logos, we get the written word, and we get the rhema, which is the Holy Spirit speaking to us, then we start to get direction in our lives and it's things that we can accomplish. The legacy there's tremendous legacy that we can leave For us in working with couples. It's not just working with that couple, because if we can make a difference with a couple, it affects their children and their children's children and their children's children. It could be many, many generations. It's breaking the cycle and we heard that a couple of times this evening. Completely agree with that.
Speaker 3:We had to break cycles in our lives. My, my, my parents fought all the time. If you saw big, fat Greek wedding, that was my family and that was my parents. They fought constantly. I swore that I was not going to fight with my wife, so I tried to learn what my parents you know from what they did. I'm not going to do that and that was one of the worst mistakes I made in my life, because my wife needed me to fight for her and I wouldn't fight for our relationship because I was a peacemaker at all costs.
Speaker 3:She kind of interpreted that as I don't really care about our relationship. That wasn't true, but that's how she interpreted it through her lens. So we had to go through healing. We had to break generational cycles there was suicide in her family, had to break that cycle, a number of these cycles, and by working with people as we've broken those and we continue to be a work in progress, we help other people help to break those cycles and that's a legacy that when we get to heaven, I'm really hoping the Lord says you see this crowd of people.
Speaker 3:That's people you impacted. You impacted for the kingdom because you partnered with me. You know I worked in you, I helped to heal you from a lot of things and deliver you from a lot of things, but then you did the same for others. And that to us is if we're doing what God wants us to do, that's all I really care about and it affects every relationship, it affects everything that we do. But that's kind of where we're at. That's our goal and I'm closer to the final exam probably than most of you guys are. But I want to make sure I'm closer to the final exam probably than most of you guys are I ain't far behind you? It's not really about that. It's really doing what the Lord wants us to do.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. I'm getting messages and comments. They're coming through. Social Walls are being broken down. This was not a waste. This is just the beginning. I told a buddy that was reaching out. I said the topics get tougher. This is a marshmallow compared to what we're going to be talking about coming up.
Speaker 1:So just get ready, just get ready. We're going to go way deeper than we have been going. But for all you guys that have been talking about accountability and you know, and your family and stuff, I just encourage you guys that on this journey of discipline, living a disciplined lifestyle, think about those people that you're talking about, that you know. Accountability, probably to your children, your wife. Think about that before you pick up that thing that you know you shouldn't be having. Think about that before you pick up that thing that you know you shouldn't be having. Think about them. We can talk about stuff all day long, but if there's no growth, there's no progress. It's not really discipline. We just want wanting to want to be that, but we're not really doing that.
Speaker 1:Soldiers, athletes, sometimes CEOs of companies. They live a disciplined lifestyle because they recognize that every step they take makes a difference, it matters, and they break off of the path. You know what I'm saying. You're talking about one step forward, two steps back. Two steps back for us is like maybe a generation getting jacked up because of the decisions that we make. We got to be really, really careful about everything we do, because we are role models and examples, whether we want to be or not, charles Broccoli, we are role models. We got to do that because somebody's watching us. If you're not in your household, across the street, down the road, a relative somebody's always watching us, man. But you guys are impact players and I'm so proud of you guys for being a part of this. Thank you for saying you know what.
Speaker 1:I'm not here for just a premiere episode. I want to be here for the long term. I'm excited about it. Also, be thinking about your local community, because you can do this kind of thing where you live. Be thinking about that concept because there's men that's out there in your neighborhood, within a five-mile radius or 10-mile radius, let's say that who don't have this and they need to have accountability and mentorship and brotherhood support that you guys can provide. So think outside of the box, you thinking about that. But we can go ahead and get out of here. Man, fantastic first episode. I have no idea what's happening next month. It could be in the morning, afternoon, evening. It all depends on the panelists. So we're going to reach out to you guys. But thank, it all depends on the panelists. So we're gonna reach out to you guys, but thank you for doing this. I'm hitting the music, and we out of here love you guys. Thanks for being a part of the men's roundtable series.
